We Choose Our Responses & They Define Our Lived Experience w/ Yale Director of Emotional Intelligence Marc Brackett

“Don’t be controlled by your emotions.” Think about that statement. It says to not be controlled by your emotions. As a culture and specifically with men over the span of history, I believe we misinterpreted it in two ways; 1) don’t show your emotions, and 2) let’s go further and label it manly and masculine and strong to just not have emotions. So we disdain showing and being emotional. And women we’ve deemed are more emotional and we’ve used their propensity to express emotions as weakness. Another poor interpretation that has hurt us all. I spent most of my life validating myself for being calm under pressure. There are some acute moments of tragedy where this helped. Then there is the other 99% of the time where I now look back and see what a coward I’ve been. Drive with me a moment to explore How To Manage & Not Suppress Sign up for a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to sign up for your FREE 60-day trial. Sign up for AromaTru's Insider Club and today you'll receive a FREE Waterless Oil Diffuser and a FREE lemon eucalyptus oil - that's over $200 in savings. Head to aromatruorganics.com/kevin to take advantage of this exclusive offer.   Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to Kajabi.com/kevin Get 20% off any AquaTru purifier today! Visit AquaTru.com and enter code "KEVIN" at checkout. Go to Quince.com/drives for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns Go to cozyearth.com/driven and use code DRIVEN for an exclusive 40% discount Join thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply in minutes at meetfabric.com/WHATDRIVESYOU. If you're concerned about OCD, visit NOCD.com to schedule a free 15-minute call with their team. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

11 Sep 202411min

I spent most of my life ignorant of my emotions. Only to find that they were there, and in abundance. And I wasn’t ignoring them, I had just become a pro athlete in avoiding them. And I contorted and distorted my life and psyche around them as a result. As I found more emotional intelligence however, I just became aware of how terrified I was of my emotions.. It made no sense, but I couldn’t escape my irrational fear of emotions that, while they were not life threatening to me physiologically, they seemed to be life threatening to me psychologically. I’ve been fervently at work on this, but just two weeks ago I received a great gift from a guest on the show. I’m very familiar with cold plunging. Immersing yourself in frigid water. And I’ve learned how to make peace with it. It’s not comfortable, but I’ve learned how to find comfort in myself, even as my skin rebels at the cold water. Emotional cold plunging is the same and I want to give this gift to you. Drive with me a moment. Sign up for a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to sign up for your FREE 60-day trial. Sign up for AromaTru's Insider Club and today you'll receive a FREE Waterless Oil Diffuser and a FREE lemon eucalyptus oil - that's over $200 in savings. Head to aromatruorganics.com/kevin to take advantage of this exclusive offer.   Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to Kajabi.com/kevin Get 20% off any AquaTru purifier today! Visit AquaTru.com and enter code "KEVIN" at checkout. Go to Quince.com/drives for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns Go to cozyearth.com/driven and use code DRIVEN for an exclusive 40% discount Join thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply in minutes at meetfabric.com/WHATDRIVESYOU. If you're concerned about OCD, visit NOCD.com to schedule a free 15-minute call with their team. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

10 Sep 202413min

It seems everyone these days is anxious. On edge. Stressed. Even the seemingly chill guy is simmering under his skin with an overworked nervous system. That would be me. We medicate the symptoms and have just culturally accepted an anxious life. I’m not ok with it. Being at peace to me is power. It’s wisdom. And those at peace are who I want to be around. I don’t want to numb my nervous system, I want to master it. So I’ve brought you two masters. Karden Rabin is a nervous system medicine practitioner and an expert in the fields of trauma and psychophysiological disorders. Over the last fifteen years he has combined principles of bodywork, brain retraining, and somatic trauma therapies and helped thousands of clients across the globe heal from chronic pain and illness. Karden is the Co-Founder of SOMIA and a regular contributor to Bessel Van Der Kolk’s Trauma Research Foundation. Jennifer Mann is a mind-body practitioner, yoga instructor, and functional movement therapist, and has battled severe chronic fatigue. She began researching alternative approaches to healing chronic fatigue and was able to completely recover using trauma-informed, mind-body healing. She now leads a community of over 100,000 followers on Instagram and is the Co-founder of SOMIA which has helped thousands of people from all over the world regulate their nervous systems. Friends, this was an incredible discussion as I sat at the feet of Karden and Jennifer as a student to learn. Really learn. Karden actually led me through a new therapy he’s using with great success called, “Emotional Cold Plunging.” Karden and Jenn have compiled their research into a new book titled, “The Secret Language of the Body: Regulate Your Nervous System, Heal Your Body, Free Your Mind.” I studied it and we covered a lot in this talk. As usual, this isn’t an interview. It’s a class and it’s training and it’s vital to your wellness and potential. Find Karden and Jenn at somiainternational.com. Drive with me now to learn how to master your nervous system and find the peace you deserve, and can achieve.  Sign up for a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to sign up for your FREE 60-day trial. Sign up for AromaTru's Insider Club and today you'll receive a FREE Waterless Oil Diffuser and a FREE lemon eucalyptus oil - that's over $200 in savings. Head to aromatruorganics.com/kevin to take advantage of this exclusive offer.   Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to Kajabi.com/kevin Get 20% off any AquaTru purifier today! Visit AquaTru.com and enter code "KEVIN" at checkout. Go to Quince.com/drives for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns Go to cozyearth.com/driven and use code DRIVEN for an exclusive 40% discount Join thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply in minutes at meetfabric.com/WHATDRIVESYOU. If you're concerned about OCD, visit NOCD.com to schedule a free 15-minute call with their team. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 Sep 20241h 50min

Following is a story that is far more common than we realize. A childhood trauma that directs our lives, for better and/or worse. When I first started focusing on drive and researching for my book, this is one of the earlier conversations I had with an influential person, digging into their personal story of drive. Ashley got a Master’s degree from King’s College London’s Department of War Studies, as well as a Master’s in Psychology from University of Santa Monica. She started her career in counterterrorism under the Obama administration and learned speech writing while working for the government. She went on to write a bestselling book that put her on the map as an influencer, YOU TURN: Get Unstuck, Discover Your Direction, Design Your Dream Career. Today she runs the Wise Whisper Agency where she helps people create their signature talk and get on big stages. There is the fancy, public bio. My interest however was in her deeper story. The one where at age 10 her Dad had a panic attack about a business turned bad and he exclaimed to Ashley that money was going to kill him. Right then and there Ashley vowed, “I’m going to make a lot of money so that life is easy and I can save my dad from dying." I pulled on this thread and we discussed how it influenced her lifelong quest to save and rescue and help people. What is true to who she is and how much was errant from that early experience with her dad? It will bring up your motives and which are authentic to you and which are influenced by life experiences that could take us down a wrong path. You can find Ashley at ashleystahl.com and tune in to her You Turn podcast. Sign up for a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to sign up for your FREE 60-day trial. Sign up for AromaTru's Insider Club and today you'll receive a FREE Waterless Oil Diffuser and a FREE lemon eucalyptus oil - that's over $200 in savings. Head to aromatruorganics.com/kevin to take advantage of this exclusive offer.   Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to Kajabi.com/kevin Get 20% off any AquaTru purifier today! Visit AquaTru.com and enter code "KEVIN" at checkout. Go to Quince.com/drives for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns Go to cozyearth.com/driven and use code DRIVEN for an exclusive 40% discount Join thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply in minutes at meetfabric.com/WHATDRIVESYOU. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

6 Sep 20241h

A popular topic when I’m being interviewed is my stance on drive. I believe every human has as much drive in them as anyone else. And further, that we are all driven. We are driven to be where we are and who we are. I’ve become known for stating that drug addicts are some of the most driven people on earth. But they are not driving forward, toward something positive and productive and fulfilling. All of us have all the drive we need and we are driven. But at any time, or in certain areas of your life, you may find yourself feeling you are in reverse. Or in park. Or stuck in first gear. It’s not a matter of having enough drive or being driven, but direction. Drive with me a moment Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. kmiller@kevinmiller.co.  Sign up for a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to sign up for your FREE 60-day trial. Sign up for AromaTru's Insider Club and today you'll receive a FREE Waterless Oil Diffuser and a FREE lemon eucalyptus oil - that's over $200 in savings. Head to aromatruorganics.com/kevin to take advantage of this exclusive offer.   Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to Kajabi.com/kevin Get 20% off any AquaTru purifier today! Visit AquaTru.com and enter code "KEVIN" at checkout. Go to Quince.com/drives for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns Go to cozyearth.com/driven and use code DRIVEN for an exclusive 40% discount Join thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply in minutes at meetfabric.com/WHATDRIVESYOU. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

5 Sep 202411min

In my continual research into human potential it’s ever more revealed to me that we are inherently most driven to protect ourselves. So when we look to our general behavior, this is what we find. Efforts to feel secure. I feel this is the root to our cynical nature, which was the focus of the previous episode featuring Stanford professor of psychology, Dr Jamil Zaki. His new book is Hope For Cynics and as I ponder our discussion I’m looking at our core beliefs and and making an effort to shift them. Cynicism at the root is distrust, and as a culture we seem less trusting than ever, because our trust is lacking. Trust in the government, in commerce, in faith and humanity. Much of it is relevant. But is it really keeping us safer than hope. Skeptical hope, but hope.  Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. kmiller@kevinmiller.co. Sign up for a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to sign up for your FREE 60-day trial. Sign up for AromaTru's Insider Club and today you'll receive a FREE Waterless Oil Diffuser and a FREE lemon eucalyptus oil - that's over $200 in savings. Head to aromatruorganics.com/kevin to take advantage of this exclusive offer.   Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to Kajabi.com/kevin Get 20% off any AquaTru purifier today! Visit AquaTru.com and enter code "KEVIN" at checkout. Go to Quince.com/drives for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns Go to cozyearth.com/driven and use code DRIVEN for an exclusive 40% discount Join thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply in minutes at meetfabric.com/WHATDRIVESYOU. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

3 Sep 202413min

If you look at social media influencers, news headlines and commentary, late night TV hosts and a high percentage of the so called informed public, you find a consistent thread of cynicism. Cynicism is a general distrust and lack of faith or hope in humanity and it’s gotten to be viewed as clever and intelligent to take a cynical view of life, and naive to be hopeful and optimistic. My guest today has found opposing data. Dr. Jamil Zaki is a professor of psychology at Stanford University and the director of the Stanford Social Neuroscience Lab. He trained at Columbia and Harvard, studying empathy and kindness in the human brain and his interest is in how we can learn to connect better. You won’t find Jamil much on social media, as his years have been spent teaching at Stanford and studying humanity and he’s put his findings in a brand new book titled, Hope for Cynics: The Surprising Science of Human Goodness. Jamil attests that is in fact cynicism that is naive and relates it to a trail lawyer who ignores half the evidence. Jamil says, “Cynicism is not a radical worldview, it’s the status quo. The norm. It’s the “common man” and it’s a seductive worldview that is dark and simple. He says this with an educated and compassionate spirit, as you’ll hear, and does not call for blind trust but rather, hopeful skepticism where we practice an open mind with discernment and constructive faith. Find Jamil at ssnl.stanford.edu Find Jamil's book, Hope For Cynics, and more about Jamil at https://www.jamil-zaki.com/. Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. kmiller@kevinmiller.co.  Sign up for a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to sign up for your FREE 60-day trial. Sign up for AromaTru's Insider Club and today you'll receive a FREE Waterless Oil Diffuser and a FREE lemon eucalyptus oil - that's over $200 in savings. Head to aromatruorganics.com/kevin to take advantage of this exclusive offer.   Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to Kajabi.com/kevin Get 20% off any AquaTru purifier today! Visit AquaTru.com and enter code "KEVIN" at checkout. Go to Quince.com/drives for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns Go to cozyearth.com/driven and use code DRIVEN for an exclusive 40% discount Join thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply in minutes at meetfabric.com/WHATDRIVESYOU. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

3 Sep 20241h 38min

I really appreciate taking a topic where we think we know what drives us, and discovering the motives are actually coming from somewhere else. It allows us to come into better alignment and realize more benefit. In this case, the concept is kindness. We think we should be kind because it’s the right thing to do. And if we’re kind, then others will reciprocate and be kind to us in return. It’s usually under the “should” category of life. We “should” be kind. Especially to those we perceive as not so kind. Be kind to the person who cut you off in traffic. Be kind to the surly person behind the coffee counter. Be kind to your spouse who seems grumpy to you. When I’m interviewed on other podcasts, I’m often asked who some of my favorite guests have been or the most profound topics. I often cite Shaunti Feldhahn. Shaunti is a social researcher and best-selling author who investigates life-changing truths about relationships. I first got to know her through her book, “The Kindness Challenge – Thirty Days To Improve Any Relationship.” In it she uncovers that whether we thrive depends far more on how we choose to treat others than on how we ourselves are treated. The path to our happy place starts with one choice: whether or not to be kind. Especially when we really don’t want to be. The punchline? Being kind benefits us far more than who we choose to be kind to. I had this conversation with Shaunti nearly seven years ago and here I am still talking about it today. As I keep bringing her message back up, I’m re-publishing our talk so you can hear Shaunti’s full research. Find her at shaunti.com Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. kmiller@kevinmiller.co. Sign up for a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to sign up for your FREE 60-day trial. Sign up for AromaTru's Insider Club and today you'll receive a FREE Waterless Oil Diffuser and a FREE lemon eucalyptus oil - that's over $200 in savings. Head to aromatruorganics.com/kevin to take advantage of this exclusive offer.   Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to Kajabi.com/kevin Get 20% off any AquaTru purifier today! Visit AquaTru.com and enter code "KEVIN" at checkout. Go to Quince.com/drives for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns Go to cozyearth.com/driven and use code DRIVEN for an exclusive 40% discount Join thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply in minutes at meetfabric.com/WHATDRIVESYOU. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

30 Aug 20241h