Some self compassion around my own journey with mental health issues

‘If you have tried counselling or you've tried therapy and it has made you feel worse, know that you're not alone. That, unfortunately, is quite common, but fortunately there are many, many styles and many, many different people who can help you’

This special extended episode of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast was recorded to support you with any mental health issues you might be struggling with by sharing parts of my own journey.

And a) I forgot to mention an enormous part of my own journey – the house fire that led to my PTSD then CPTSD diagnoses and b) I somehow got the date for Mental Health Awareness Week wrong.

I only shame spiralled for a couple of minutes before laughing at my ADHD brain.

With compassion.

And I decided that because this is SUCH a personal episode, I’d share it now in case I changed my mind by May.

Some content warnings:

· birth trauma

· intergenerational trauma

· racism and colonisation

· mixed heritage

· CPTSD

· Insomnia

· PTSD

· misogyny: child sexual abuse and sexual assault

· self-medication (alcoholism)

· trichotillomania (hair pulling)

· suicidal ideation

· disordered eating

· Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

· chronic pain (endometriosis)

· more trauma and

· ADHD

I realise again now that I forgot to mention the perimenopausal and menopausal impacts on my mood, sleep, cognitive function, self image, anxiety etc but because of the horrendous endometriosis symptoms for so many decades, am utterly delighted to be post menopausal – that being said, if you’re struggling with perimenopause and/or menopause, DO get the support and help you need and deserve.

Sending so much love to you wherever you are and whatever you’re dealing with.

le grá,

Evei

Transcript

I love diving. I'm a snorkel member of a

sub-aqua club, but I've been going to all the dive lectures and we have a

secondary breathing device for air supply when we're underwater with our buddy.

And it used to be that if they were in trouble running out of air, you would

give them what's called the octopus.

Whereas now you simply raise your hands and

allow them to TAKE that help that is available rather than risk getting in

their way or giving in a way that isn't helpful. So I think when it comes to

mental health awareness, that's really important as well. You know what's right

for you.

It's much more helpful for you to think about,

in an ideal world, what support would be most beneficial for you rather than

anyone, however well-meaning, deciding that you need X, Y and Z. So collective

care is really important.

…

Welcome to this special Mental Health

Awareness Week edition of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast. And very unusually

for me, I have a script. I thought I'd do a bit of time travel and share some

love and compassion with my Inner Children and Younger Mes as I reflect on my

own mental health journey from wishing like from 49 now as a trauma therapist,

as a supervisor, as a coach, using EFT, NLP, all the tools I have in my

toolkit, all the self-care I write about and share with groups and that I adore

and that I still see as essential for me.

It's been really interesting reflecting on my

journey with various aspects of mental health. And I thought by giving some

examples from my own life, it might hopefully help you find some love and

compassion for yourself. And maybe some hope - I'm now the happiest I've ever

been.

I have the tools that help me to navigate

life's challenges. And I'm going to send some of that back to Younger Mes, but

I also hope it will encourage you to get the support that you deserve and can

benefit from. So I won't share everything.

And again, I'm sharing that because part of

trauma recovery and working with befriending ADHD brains is recognising that

sometimes we can share more than we then feel good about. And I remember in my

early 20s going through a stage where I felt like a raw nerve and I felt

constantly like I'd shared too much. I was living in a new to me city in

Cardiff, and it was long before social media. Even the internet wasn't even

really in my day to day.

So I'm just sharing that I'm kind of being

careful with myself, I am going to share a lot. And there are some content

warnings around abuse and suicide. So do look after yourself and maybe listen

to this with extra gentleness.

It will be longer than most of the episodes.

But I'm just wanting to encourage you to get the help you need and deserve if

you need and deserve it. I mean, obviously you deserve it, but if you need it,

if you're feeling in any way, shape or like you could use extra support, you

deserve that extra support.

So make it happen in whatever way is

appropriate for you. I want to share hope. I used to feel broken beyond repair

for as long as I could remember.

I didn't know then about Complex PTSD (Complex

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and developmental trauma. I didn't know about

neurodivergence and ADHD. I just, from my earliest memories, felt like there

was something very wrong with me and that things that were easy for others were

a struggle.

We know from Brené Brown and other research

around vulnerability and shame and healing, it's really important to choose who

we share with. So in your case, it might be a trained therapist or coach or a

loved one who you really trust, but really honouring, like work with your

nervous system, move towards what feels good and away from what doesn't.

Retrain your nervous system if you were raised in a way or conditioned in a way

as an adult that has taken you away from that inherent inner knowing, because you

deserve to feel good and you deserve to heal.

And we are wired to heal in community. We

co-regulate. It helps us recover from trauma.

It helps us recover from tiny things as well

as big things. But it really is about having those right energies around you,

people who are loving and welcoming and supportive and safe, not who are going

to use your vulnerabilities against you. So collective care is another element

that is really important.

The better we are at taking care of ourselves,

the more we can, from a wholehearted place, support others. It's the cliche

around putting your own life mask on. Life mask? Oxygen mask, life jacket,

whatever, on first rather than helping.

I love diving. I'm a snorkel member of a

sub-aqua club, but I've been going to all the dive lectures and we have a

secondary breathing device for air supply when we're underwater with our buddy.

And it used to be that if they were in trouble running out of air, you would

give them what's called the octopus.

Whereas now you simply raise your hands and

allow them to TAKE that help that is available rather than risk getting in

their way or giving in a way that isn't helpful. So I think when it comes to

mental health awareness, that's really important as well. You know what's right

for you.

It's much more helpful for you to think about,

in an ideal world, what support would be most beneficial for you rather than

anyone, however well-meaning, deciding that you need X, Y and Z. So collective

care is really important.

It's wonderful to keep an eye out for our

loved ones and people who are struggling, communities on the other side of the

world who need support and help. And we are all connected, it goes without

saying, but you can only really control yourself.

Honouring that and recognising that will make

you better at the collective care element because you'll be helping others then

from that more grounded, resourceful place where you're able to hear what they

actually need and want rather than potentially making things awkward, if not

worse.

I am wanting to start at the beginning and I'm

also recognising that memory, especially when it comes to complex trauma and

ADHD, all memories are unreliable. There are so many different versions.

One thing I'd like to say up front is some of

this might sound quite miserable. I have reconnected with childhood friends

through social media and I've seen old photos of myself and some of them, yeah,

I do look like there was something very wrong and in others I look filled with

joy. So part of my, in my late 40s, healing journey has been recognising that,

yeah, while there was a lot of bad, there was also good and it's really nice to

be integrating all of that now.

In terms of re-traumatising yourself, it's

really about knowing, like, even when it...