Why We Lose Ourselves in Relationships and How to Reclaim a Sense of Self

She goes on to explain the differences between codependency, enmeshment, attunement, and interdependence. Sarah also discusses how fear of conflict can lead to self-abandonment, what it takes to feel safe during moments of disconnection or disagreement, and how to support children through distress in ways that build resilience. Tune in to better understand your relational patterns and learn how reclaiming a sense of self supports healthier, more sustainable relationships.

Episode Highlights:

• [00:00] Introduction
• [01:23] Today’s topic: how not to lose yourself in a relationship
• [04:53] How childhood experiences shape our adult lives
• [08:39] What does it mean to have a codependent part?
• [11:48] Why your primary needs are essential and how to build capacity for them
• [15:10] How caretaking can create a false sense of safety
• [16:58] Signs you might be in a codependent dynamic
• [19:16] Other protective parts of codependency: the rescuer
• [22:13] Avoidance can show up in the form of caretaking
• [23:24] Diffuse boundaries and how they also impact parenting
• [26:41] The ramifications of and antidote to survival-based relationships
• [32:13] Characteristics of a healthy relationship
• [33:51] How to step toward interdependence
• [39:05] Question 1 - The difference between codependency, enmeshment, and attunement.
• [49:12] Question 2 - How to overcome the fear of conflict
• [58:08] Question 3 - Supporting a child through distress or challenging situations

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Quotes:

“The thing that reminds your nervous system the most of [a] romantic relationship is your earliest childhood experiences. That lays the blueprint, or foundation, or map for how you had to navigate relationships.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:06:22]

“You cannot rescue anybody else. Only they, their adult self, can rescue the younger parts of [themselves].” — Sarah Baldwin [0:20:43]

“The amount of hard you experience in your childhood relationally is going to be reflected in the amount of hard that needs to get resolved in your romantic partnership.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:35:39]

“If you want to avoid burnout, if you want to avoid getting overwhelmed by your client load and the work that you do, it is very important that you are functioning not from a place of codependency but interdependence.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:47:26]