30: Sexorcism: IFS and Unattached Burdens with Robert Falconer

"These things look like great, big, horrifying monsters, but actually they're really terrified small beings. Think about it for a minute. They're making their existence as a parasite, an unwanted inhabitant in somebody else's psyche. That's not something a powerful being would do." — Robert Falconer

Disclaimer: This episode contains discussions of childhood sexual abuse, trauma, and non-ordinary psychological experiences. Listener discretion is advised.

Sexuality, especially following sexual trauma, is already complex and multi-layered. Today’s guest brings in yet another potent dimension: what happens when our sexual system has absorbed parasitic energies that do not belong to us?

Robert Falconer is well-known in the IFS community for his teachings about “the others within us,” including unattached burdens and guides.In this episode, Patty and Bob explore how sexual trauma can create openings in the psyche that allow these external energies in, and how working with the parts that have organized themselves around those energies — not rushing to get rid of them — is often where the most tender and transformative healing lives. Bob shares from his own autobiography of severe childhood sexual abuse, and speaks to why he believes IFS is the most powerful model available today for survivors.Bob introduces the "seal of light" meditation as a practical tool for spiritual hygiene, discusses the difference between unattached burdens and perpetrator introjects, and shares what he's learned about the role guides and benevolent energies play in healing and in love.

Bob Falconer has devoted much of his career to the treatment of trauma. For approximately 20 years Bob's major focus has been on Internal Family Systems Therapy. Bob has served on staff for more than twenty official IFS Institute trainings and has completed the highest level of IFS training himself. He has taught extensively, both online and internationally, and has led trainings and classes in Pakistan, China, South Korea, Mexico, Poland, Spain, Canada, the United Kingdom, and with the Fort Belknap and Northern Cheyenne reservations.He is the author of six books related to IFS and inner healing; the most recent being Self Unbroken, an account of the foundations of his healing from his own childhood sexual abuse. He has also been actively engaged with psychedelic exploration since 1967 and continues to view it as a meaningful pathway for healing and insight.

Connect with Bob:

Bob's website: robertfalconer.us

Instagram/Facebook: @bobfalconerifs

Books: The Others Within Us, When You're Going Through Hell ...Keep Going, Spirit, Opening the Inner World (co-author), Many Minds, One Self (co-author) - Self Unbroken (publishing in Q2 2026)

About Self-Led in Bed

Self-Led in Bed is a podcast where we explore our fascinating internal sexual landscapes and discover our authentic sexual Self through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS).

Hosted by Patricia Rich — Certified IFS Therapist, AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist, coach, and creator of the Self-Led Sexuality and The Six S’s models — each episode brings warm, smart, and often juicy conversations.

Resources

Get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

Check out our Intro to IFS Through the Lens of Sexuality Course at www.patriciarich.com.