Ep19. AuDHD Dating and Friendships with Phoebe

Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of relationship trauma, emotional distress following breakups and rejection, a period of depression and questioning one's sense of purpose, and calling off a wedding. There is also mention of over-the-counter sleep medication. Please take care if any of these topics are sensitive for you.

Summary: In this episode, Bri sits down with Sydney-based Clinical Psychologist and couples therapist Phoebe Rogers — author of When Will It Happen For Me? — for a warm, funny and deeply honest conversation about AuDHD, relationships, dating, and the long road to self-acceptance.

Phoebe shares her own late diagnosis journey: first identified with ADHD around a year before the recording, and autism shortly after reading Is This Autism? — both discoveries that reframed decades of personal and relationship experiences. She reflects on how she'd always "vibed" with neurodivergent clients and colleagues without realising she was one of them, and how her own painful relationship history — including calling off a wedding at 36 — ultimately drove her to study couples therapy and develop frameworks to help others.

Together, Bri and Phoebe explore how AuDHD shapes the way we date, attach, communicate, and connect — including the intensity of crushes and hyperfocus on a person, rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), anxious attachment patterns, and the particular challenges of two neurodivergent people communicating with each other. They also celebrate the beautiful sides: deep loyalty, emotional expressiveness, playfulness, and the capacity to love fiercely.

The conversation moves into friendship too — how "little worlds" work for neurodivergent people, why the neurotypical expectation of large social circles rarely fits, and how self-acceptance opens the door to accepting others as they are. The episode closes with Phoebe's core message: be yourself, and you will find your people.

Takeaways:

1. Late diagnosis can reframe everything — especially relationships.

2. Anxious attachment and RSD are common in AuDHD — and they're workable.

3. "If they cared, they would" is a myth that needs retiring.

4. Love is not supposed to be easy — but it shouldn't require you to hide yourself.

5. Neurodivergent couples often need a "translator."

6. "Little worlds" are valid — and worth protecting.

7. Be yourself — that's the whole dating tip.