Ep. 10: Tips on Oral Sex, Not Feeling Like Doin’ It, and Sex Toys

In this episode, Tracey answers these three anonymous questions:I’m a 28-year-old woman and I’ve been with my partner for six years. I love him desperately but I’m not that interested in having sex with him anymore. I know that it’s normal for interest in sex to fall over time but I’m young and six years isn’t that long. Is this a sign I’ve chosen the wrong person? Or will this eventually happen with anyone I’m with long term?I’ve been married for 20 years and am struggling to stay sexual with my partner. I find it such an effort to have sex with him even though, when we do, I usually don’t find it too bad. How often do you have to have sex to keep the relationship going? Do I have to have sex if I really don’t want to? My husband doesn’t hassle me for sex but he does really enjoy it when we do have it and I want to make him happy. We get on really well and life is happy otherwise.Can you give me some practical tips on how to keep desire going in a long-term relationship? I’m a lesbian and don’t want to fall victim to lesbian ‘bed death’ – and I know this is something all couples find difficult. We’re only a year in and sex is still awesome. What are some things we can do to make sure it stays that way? And offers her sex tip of the week!To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

30 Nov 202123min

In this episode, Tracey answers these three anonymous questions:My husband and I are having massive fights over a long-time friend of mine who I used to date in college. We’d see each other twice a year for dinner and my husband didn’t seem to mind. But now my friend is having problems in his marriage and suddenly my husband is threatened. My friend is attractive and, yes, we have history. But that doesn’t mean I’m about to run off with him. How do I handle this?Just when I think I’ve got it all figured out and found the spot that makes my girlfriend orgasm, she moves the goalposts. It seems to change each time. Is this true or am I imagining it?I’m divorced and back out there dating again. I’ve met someone I am having a great time with sexually but worried my daughter can hear us. The last thing I want to do is scar her for life! She’s 14 years old. I try to keep quiet and always wait until she’s asleep but am I being a bad mother by having sex when she might overhear? The only place I can be intimate is home. And offers her sex tip of the week!To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

23 Nov 202117min

In this episode, Tracey answers these three anonymous questions:My partner of 9 years cheated on me recently with a same-sex partner but doesn’t consider that “cheating.” I disagree. He went for an STI check and a blood test confirms he has HSV1 (herpes simplex type 1). I’m terrified I’m going to get it. Should I risk it for him? He’s broken and desperate to make it up to me. I’m hoping you can help. I’m only 25 and I love my boyfriend of 4 years however I don’t enjoy our sex and I never get “wet”. Even when we try it hurts and I end up just letting him finish. What should I do?My new boyfriend loves my oral sex skills but he gets right to the edge multiple times but can’t orgasm. How do I tip him over the edge and finish the job? And offers her sex tip of the week!To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

16 Nov 202117min

In this episode, Tracey answers these three anonymous questions:I am really hoping you can advise me on this because I honestly don’t know what else to do. A very good friend of mine is about to get married. They seem very happy but I recently saw her fiancé having dinner with another woman. They were having a very intense conversation and, at one point, he held her hand across the table. (I was in the same restaurant but hidden from his view.) I don’t know whether to mention this to my friend or not. It might have just been a close female friend but my gut instinct is that it was more than that. Do I tell her what I saw or keep quiet?The chemistry I had with an ex is unbeatable. I’ve had so many relationships since then but it’s not the same. How do I have this feeling again with someone else?Out of the blue, my boyfriend of 18 months announced that he wanted to have a piercing. He also suggested I might have a ‘matching’ piercing myself. Once I’d gotten over the surprise, I did a bit of research. While I was a bit intrigued (these piercings can be kinda hot) there are downsides. Healing can be tricky and you can’t have intercourse for several weeks afterwards. So I said a gentle no. He then went quiet on me for a few days before saying it was his body and he still wanted to get his piercing, but he fully accepted I wouldn’t do the same. He added he wouldn’t do it if I was really, really against it. This has left me in a dilemma. Apart from being taken aback by his request (I’d no idea he had this type of kink) I don’t want such a long pause in having intercourse. I love it! It’s all put a bit of a rift between us. Should I just tell him to get it done? And offers her sex tip of the week!To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

9 Nov 202123min

In this episode, Tracey answers these three anonymous questions:Is it true that a red rash appears on the chest if she’s had a real orgasm? Or is this old-school thinking? I remember hearing that a lot when I was a young boy growing up but I haven’t heard anyone talking about it for a while. Another sex myth? Is there any way you can tell for sure? I getting paranoid my new girlfriend is faking it.My partner wants sex all the time to the point where I worry it’s now an addiction. We have sex twice a day but that’s no longer enough. He’s 34 and I’m 36, so this isn’t some horny adolescent who’s just discovered how great sex is. If I deny him sex or refuse to have it a third or fourth time, he sulks and disappears off to the bathroom to take care of himself. (On top of all the sex we have, I know he has extra orgasms solo as well.) I’m starting to feel like a receptacle rather than someone he loves. There’s no intimacy in our sex, it’s all done to give him an orgasm. It’s like he becomes another person. Is sex addiction even real? How do I handle this? He’s always been sex-mad but not to this extreme.So, I know lots of people will judge me on this but I feel like you two won’t. I am having a relationship with one of my son’s friends. Let me reassure you: this isn’t as icky as it sounds. My son is 26 and I had him very young. His friend is 28 and I’m 43. I’ve been single for a long time and this all came out of an innocent friendship that developed between us. My son is aware we are friends and doesn’t seem to mind that but he has no idea we are now lovers. Am I crazy to think this might last? He says he’s serious about me and wants a proper relationship. Should I believe him or assume it’s just a sex thing? If it is just sex, am I better off not telling my son, because it probably won’t last long? Or should I confess anyway? We’re doing a good job of hiding it but it’s getting harder and harder and I would hate my son to find out before we told him. And offers her sex tip of the week!To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

2 Nov 202123min

In this episode, Tracey answers these three anonymous questions:My husband of 30 years recently bought a pair of VR goggles for work. The other night I found him in bed wearing the goggles and he was fully aroused and touching himself. He didn’t know I was in the room at that time. When I asked him what he was watching he told me it was virtual porn and that I should try it. I was repulsed and would not. Am I out of touch? Is it wrong to think that he's cheating on me with a virtual person? Is this even normal?I can't orgasm from oral sex, and I would really like to learn to. This is especially an issue because I date women as well as men, and oral is a big deal for women who date women. I'm in my mid 20's, was raised to be very unashamed and to have a positive view of sex. I don't feel awkward or ashamed of my genitals and have no issue with someone's face all up in there. I just feel awkward lying on my back like a bug who can't flip back over, and I don't know what to do with my arms. I also find the sensation of a tongue down there is just...annoying. It tickles a little and other than that feels like nothing. I can orgasm just fine with my fingers (I've owned vibrators but don't like them) and oral just never compares. Can I learn to enjoy oral? Have my partners just been bad at oral?My boyfriend is having trouble staying hard and I’m worried if it’s because of me. He has no problem getting it up, and with me touching him he responds quite well. It’s when we get to penetration that he loses some, if not most of, his erection. Once he’s inside he has no problem getting going and is able to orgasm. But it’s the in-between period of penetration and sex that is causing the issue. Is this potentially ED related? I can tell he’s quite very frustrated with it and want to be able to help/reassure him. And offers her sex tip of the week!To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

26 Okt 202127min

In this episode, Tracey answers these three anonymous questions:I know women can have multiple orgasms but that never happens for me. Once I have one, any further stimulation feels too intense. How many women are actually are having multiple orgasms regularly? Is it a myth?I've been with my wife for 14 years and we enjoyed a healthy sex life. Over the past 18 months or so (during the various lockdowns) my wife has put on weight which has affected how attracted I am to her sexually i.e. I no longer wish to rip her clothes off and have passionate sex. Is it wrong of me to lose some of my sexual attraction towards her because of the weight gain? I don't know what the best thing is to do; not say anything or communicate to her how I truly feel (which I know she's going to immediately react defensively to)? Help!Do you have any advice for bisexuals who have struggled with their identity? I put off having sex because I struggled with whether I was straight or gay and wanted to wait until I figured myself out. Now I feel I’m behind in forming relationships and having sex compared to my friends and other young adults. I would really appreciate advice for non-straight sex as well. And offers her sex tip of the week!To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

19 Okt 202124min

In this episode, Tracey answers these three anonymous questions:I have been married for eight years and am worried my partner has fallen out of love with me. Our sex life is alright – we don’t do it as much as we did, but I know that’s normal. But we used to sit on the sofa together and now I’ve noticed he settles himself into an armchair. When I asked him why he said it’s better for his back. (He’s only 42 but he does have back problems so might be telling the truth?) We don’t hold hands anymore and he only says he loves me, if I say it first. Is this just how all relationships end up? I have always worried I love him much more than he loves me and that he may be planning to leave.I love your podcast and am hoping you can help me make sense of something that keeps happening to me. I swear to God I’m the straightest man you will ever meet but I have a recurring fantasy which scares me. In it, I go to a gay club with my gay friends - I do this in reality, I’m not homophobic at all. But instead of just having a laugh with them, I go into a cubicle and let a guy give me oral sex. I have no desire at all to do this in real life. Does it mean I am secretly gay? I don’t think so because I love having sex with women and don’t feel attracted to men. I just don’t understand why this gets me off.My boyfriend and I have lots of sex (I’m 28, he’s 26). Recently, I came home unexpectedly to find him watching porn on his phone in the living room and pleasuring himself. I was shocked – why would he do this when he knows he can have sex with me anytime he wants? Does it mean he doesn’t enjoy sex with me? Are we not having it enough? Is it normal for men to continue having solo sex even if they’re having regular sex with their partners? And offers her sex tip of the week!To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

12 Okt 202127min