How To Drop The People-Pleaser’s Worst Habit

How To Drop The People-Pleaser’s Worst Habit

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home

00:05:12 Tip 1: Just Keep Quiet Really.

00:05:49 Tip 2: Show Your Compassion And Kindness ... Just In A Different Way

00:07:00 Tip 3: Train A Different Automatic Response

00:08:07 Tip 4: Change Apology Into Gratitude

00:09:12 Tip 5: Speak Plainly

00:10:45 Tip 6: Reframe Your Idea Of Politeness

00:12:27 Tip 7: Imperfect Is Not Wrong

00:13:34 Tip 8: Discern What Is In Your Zone Of Control

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• People-pleasers often engage in self-sabotaging behavior: over-apologizing. This happens for many reasons, most commonly low self-esteem, the desire to please others, awkwardness and discomfort, conflict avoidance, anxiety, and perfectionism.


• To overcome over-apologizing, try to practice simply staying silent or expressing concern and compassion in different ways. You could also train out the “sorry habit” by expressing what you really mean to express—for example, gratitude. Don’t apologize for being imperfect, and reframe your idea of politeness so that it includes plain, honest, clear speech, which is always more truthful and assertive. Finally, don’t apologize for things that are outside your control.


#Apologizing #Politeness #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself #SetBoundaries #StopPleasingOthers


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The Problem Of Objectivity

The Problem Of Objectivity

Finally, we become great people-readers when we understand ourselves. We need to know what biases, expectations, values, and unconscious drives we bring to the table so we are able to see things as neutrally and objectively as possible. We must refrain from letting pessimism cloud our judgments because its often easier to arrive at the more negative conclusion when an alternate, more positive one is equally likely. To gain better insight into the progress you make as you read through this book, you need to know your proficiency at analyzing people as you start out. Simon Baron Cohen has come up with a test available on http://socialintelligence.labinthewild.org/ that’ll help you gauge how good you are at reading people’s emotions right now. It is also a good way to come to the realization that we are perhaps not as good at reading people as we think we are.Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/readpeoplekingShow notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#Cohen #NonverbalCues #SaschaBaronCohen #SimonBaronCohen #SocialIntelligence #TheProblemOfObjectivity #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoReadPeopleLikeaBook

18 Mars 20227min

Confirmation Bias Is Seeing What You Want To Prove A Pre-Chosen Conclusion

Confirmation Bias Is Seeing What You Want To Prove A Pre-Chosen Conclusion

The most glaring example of this is confirmation bias, wherein we are deaf and blind to evidence that doesn’t support what we think. In other words, we see what we want to see, and we can make a belief appear out of thin air. This is dangerous because it brings the ability to ignore reality. You eventually become entrenched in an echo chamber of reinforcing information that will lead you astray.Hear it Here - https://adbl.co/3n6a2fzShow notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#BertrandRussell #ConfirmationBias #IndependentThinker #ConfirmationBiasIsSeeingWhatYouWantToProveAPre-ChosenConclusion. #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #TheIndependentThinker

16 Mars 202210min

Signs That Your Listening Could Use Some Work

Signs That Your Listening Could Use Some Work

It’s important to avoid using language that triggers defensiveness. This includes things like “what’s wrong with you?” “I’m sorry you feel that way,” “whatever,” “you’re overreacting,” “you’re entitled to your opinion,” or anything using absolute terms like “always” and “never.” These are invalidating and inflammatory and will be met with resistance, emphasizing emotional barriers rather than dissolving them.Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/IntentionalCommunicationKingShow notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#CompassionateUnderstanding #Conflict #DefensiveResponse #DismissiveAttitude #DodgeAccountability #EmotionalBarriers #HealthyCommunication #Listen #Listening #SignsThatYourListeningCouldUseSomeWork #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #IntentionalCommunication

14 Mars 202217min

How To Know What You Want (You Don’t)

How To Know What You Want (You Don’t)

We often think we know what we want based on singular experiences, stereotypes, or simple social pressures. But we are typically very, very wrong. In fact, most of the time, we are just making educated guesses. Psychological distance is deceptive, and we often confuse what we want with what benefits us from a self-interest standpoint. In reality, what we do know is simply what we don’t want. This is not the same as wanting the opposite of what we don’t want.Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/ScienceOfAttractionShow notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#BuildingAttraction #DynamicRelationship #EastwickFinkel #PhysicalAttractiveness #PsychologicalDistance #RomanticPartner #TropeLiberman #HowToKnowWhatYouWant(YouDon’t) #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #TheScienceofAttraction

11 Mars 202214min

Obstacles To Becoming Brilliant At Reading People

Obstacles To Becoming Brilliant At Reading People

Most of the communication that takes place between people is non-verbal in nature. What people say is often a poor indicator of what they want to convey, which makes people-reading a valuable life skill with almost endless benefits. Although we’re all blessed with different aptitudes, it’s possible to develop this skill in ourselves, as long as we can be honest about where we’re starting from. • No matter which theory of model we use to help us analyze and interpret our observations, we need to consider context and how it factors in. One sign in isolation rarely leads to accurate judgments; you need to consider them in clusters. The culture people come from is another important factor that helps contextualize your analysis appropriately. • Behavior is meaningless in a void; we need to establish a baseline so that we know how to interpret what we see. This means that you need to ascertain what someone is normally like to detect deviances from that to draw accurate interpretations of when they’re happy, excited, upset, etc. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/readpeoplekingShow notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#NormalBaseline #StereotypicalBehaviors #TelltaleSigns #ObstaclesToBecomingBrilliantAtReadingPeople #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoReadPeopleLikeaBook #

9 Mars 20229min

Why Are People So Closed-Minded?

Why Are People So Closed-Minded?

An integral part of crystal-clear thinking is to be open-minded. Being open-minded means hearing evidence or an argument and not making an instant judgment. It means being able to say, “I don’t know” and resist that feeling of uncertainty. These are all difficult because we are wired to do the opposite.Hear it Here - https://adbl.co/3n6a2fzShow notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#IndependentThinker #WhyArePeopleSoClosed-Minded? #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #TheIndependentThinker

7 Mars 202210min

Active Listening Is Hard. It Takes Effort.

Active Listening Is Hard. It Takes Effort.

Active listening techniques help us to absorb, understand, remember, and respond to what we’re told. This includes non-judgment, reflection, paying attention, seeking clarification, summarizing, and possibly sharing your own experience. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/IntentionalCommunicationKingShow notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#ConversationSkills #ActiveListeningIsHard.ItTakesEffort. #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #IntentionalCommunication

4 Mars 202210min

Love May Be Less Important Than How Similar You Are To Your Mate

Love May Be Less Important Than How Similar You Are To Your Mate

A study specified the traits that predicted the most relationship success if similar: agreeableness and emotional stability. Conventional wisdom says that opposites attract, but for successful long-term partnerships, shared values and similarity in interest, communication, preferences, etc. are usually more valuable. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/ScienceOfAttractionShow notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#Agreeableness #Conscientiousness #EmotionalStability #Fraley #HudsonFraley #Kaufman #LoveMayBeLessImportantThanHowSimilarYouAreToYourMate #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #TheScienceofAttraction

2 Mars 202211min

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