50: Rules vs Boundaries vs Agreements: How to Set Your Non-Monogamous Relationships Up for Success

You’ve opened up your relationship or decided to explore non-monogamy, and at first, you’re excited — until BOOM — you're hit with a wave of feelings: jealousy, insecurity, anger, hurt...

You pump the brakes and set up rules to try to protect yourself and your partners from all this discomfort.

But it doesn’t work.

The rules feel punitive, like you're on a leash (and not the fun, kinky kind), and you're still overwhelmed with emotions.

In this episode, we’re talking about the difference between rules, boundaries, and agreements — and why shifting from punitive rules to collaborative agreements is the real key to feeling secure.

We introduce the Values-Based Agreement™ Model we developed and teach our clients, and share what it looks like in our own relationship!

We also dive into:

• Common rules couples often try (like vetos, partner approvals, or “don’t fall in love” rules) and why they’re doomed to fail
• How to create Values-Based Agreements™ that everyone helps craft, consents to, and that truly support communication, reduce assumptions, and build trust
• Real examples of agreements from our own relationship and specific examples of agreements we've helped couples we work with create

As a bonus, we also dig into communication tools like active listening, plus tips for dealing with feedback, criticisms, and resentments — all key skills for creating stronger, more resilient relationships.

It’s a jam-packed episode full of practical tools, real talk, and real-world examples!

✨ If you want to dive even deeper into boundaries, check out our episode: Pardon Me But You’re Stepping On My Boundaries.

Show Resources:

• Let’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠
• Mondays with Tara & André training on How to Free Myself From Resentments - in our private FB Group, Let’s Talk Polyamory - https://www.facebook.com/668591277/videos/671316904269389/
• Want to learn how to create agreements that work and have wildly successful, secure and sexy non-monogamous relationships? Join us for the Poly Newbies Digital Course - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer
• Join the waitlist and be the first to find out when our Little Book of Poly Love is out with all the HOT words from A-Z! ⁠⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist⁠
• Looking for therapy? Book a consultation call at https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation
• Looking for coaching support? Book a consultation call with Tara - ⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠
• Get the Free Building and Communicating Boundaries Worksheet ⁠https://worksheet.letstalkpolyamory.com/boundarieshttps://worksheet.letstalkpolyamory.com/boundaries⁠