Self-Sabotage: Why You Do What You Shouldn’t, and How to Stop

Self-Sabotage: Why You Do What You Shouldn’t, and How to Stop

We’ve all had moments where we watch ourselves make the exact wrong choice: procrastinating on an important task, picking a fight in a good relationship, or pulling back just when things are starting to go well. This is self-sabotage, and in this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest explore why we do it and how to stop. They talk about how self-sabotage often serves as a form of psychological self-protection, and why doing well can feel like a threat to our identity, before discussing avoidance coping, the conflict between aspects of who we are, and why we stay safe rather than stepping forward. Along the way, they offer practical strategies for updating outdated internal models, working with different parts of ourselves, and building the inner resources that make real change possible. Change Your Mind with Rick: Learn how to break old patterns and change the thoughts that keep you stuck with Rick’s six-week online course on the science of changing your mind. Learn more at RickHanson.com/changing and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:05: What is self-sabotage, really? 6:10: Why self-sabotage is often a form of protection 10:20: Avoidance coping and the logic of “safe failure” 14:40: The identity cost of doing well 18:55: Internal conflict and the parts model 26:15: Challenge vs. threat: how the brain evaluates risk 32:05: Real-life examples of self-sabotage 37:30: How to begin working with self-sabotaging parts 45:45: Working with self-destructive parts 51:10: Creating safer conditions for growth 57:25: Building a feedback loop that reinforces trust 1:02:40: Recap and additional take-aways Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Head to acornsearly.com/beingwell or download the Acorns Early app to help your kids grow their money skills today. Get Notion Mail for free right now at notion.com/beingwell, and try the inbox that thinks like you For a limited time, get Headspace FREE for 60 days. Go to Headspace.com/BEINGWELL60. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Ep. 32: Use Passion Without Stress

Ep. 32: Use Passion Without Stress

Dr. Hanson and Forrest continue the strength of Motivation by exploring how we can use healthy passion without falling victim to unhealthy righteousness, anger, and stress. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:00: What’s the relationship between stress and passion? 3:50: Applying positive vs. negative emotion. 6:30: Why passion and “revving up” makes you vulnerable to stress. 11:30: Why can things BE great but FEEL wearing? 15:00: “Faking” passion, and the influence of culture. 17:20: Learning how to hit the gas, and then tap the brakes. 19:00: Four ways to stay in healthy passion. 27:50: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

20 Aug 201829min

Ep. 31: Motivation Without Attachment

Ep. 31: Motivation Without Attachment

On this episode, Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest begin the strength of Motivation with an episode that explores how we can pursue our goals with passion and purpose, without becoming painfully attached to them. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:20: Why are liking and wanting different? 4:45: What causes us to tip from liking into wanting? 8:25: If liking is good and wanting is bad, why is it so easy to tip into wanting? 12:30: Forrest’s experience with video games. 16:45: Addiction and moments of lucidity. 19:10: Identifying wanting through drivenness. 21:00: Things that pull us into wanting. 24:30: How can we stay in liking? 29:00: The danger of auto-wanting. 30:45: Delusional desire. 32:45: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

13 Aug 201834min

Ep. 30: 7 Ways Past Anger

Ep. 30: 7 Ways Past Anger

Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest conclude the strength of Calm with an episode dedicated to exploring seven ways we can work with anger skillfully. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:35: Understanding the costs of anger 3:05: Never speaking or acting from anger 6:15: Reducing the priming for our anger 7:00: Reacting in proportion 10:00: Avoiding the habit of irritability 14:20: The tendency of fault-finding 16:30: The pitfalls of various kinds of talent 18:10: The story of the two monks 21:30: Know our near-enemies 24:30: The biology of slowing down 29:50: Walking away from excessive righteousness 33:00: Moral outrage in society 37:20: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

6 Aug 201840min

Ep. 29: Injustice and Anger

Ep. 29: Injustice and Anger

Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest talk about managing one of our most difficult emotions: anger. Specifically, they focus on how we can distinguish between skillful and unskillful anger, particularly relating to issues of social justice. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:15: The physical costs of anger. 3:40: The interpersonal costs of anger. 5:15: How can we remove the costs of anger without turning into a doormat? 11:00: Finding the line between skillful and unskillful anger. 18:00: Using anger to find our deeper wants and needs. 19:45: What tends to lie under anger? 24:45: Tribal anger and social justice 29:50: The importance of saying “I’m sorry.” 31:50: Tribal leaders and the value of mobilizing anger. 33:55: Outraged vs. enraged 35:45: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

30 Juli 201839min

Ep. 28: How to Feel Safe

Ep. 28: How to Feel Safe

Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest discuss how we can fight back against fear and learn to feel safer. They explore ways to reduce anxiety, identify resources, and deal with the real challenges of life. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:30: What causes fear? 2:30: Feeling reasonable safety. 7:15: Anxiety in the body. 9:00: Identifying the resources we have to fight threats. 12:30: How can we feel safer during REAL threats? 14:25: The importance of growing resting-state resources. 16:25: Three ways to deal with immediate threats. 20:00: Ways to approach the fear of truly dreadful things. 24:55: Reducing steady-state anxiety. 27:50: Dealing with anticipatory dread. 34:00: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

23 Juli 201837min

Ep. 27: Avoiding Needless Fear

Ep. 27: Avoiding Needless Fear

Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest discuss how to manage and reduce a particular kind of fear: paper tiger paranoia. This fear is characterized by needless anxiety that comes from the brain’s creation of imaginary threats. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:00: What does “paper tiger paranoia” mean? 3:25: How do “tigers” appear in the modern day? 4:45: Why paper tigers crowd out real ones. 6:20: Hidden costs of paper tiger paranoia. 8:20: The insidiousness of fear. 11:00: Recognizing sources of needless anxiety. 17:45: Fighting back against fear. 20:30: Fear, agency, and acceptance. 23:30: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

16 Juli 201826min

Ep. 26: Use Calm to Fight Stress

Ep. 26: Use Calm to Fight Stress

Dr. Hanson and Forrest begin a new series of episodes exploring the strength of Calm. Particularly, they focus on how we can learn to activate the calming wing of the nervous system to fight back against stress. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:30: Why is calm an important inner strength? 3:20: The dangers of being hijacked by fear. 7:05: The biological basis of calm. 11:05: Modern culture and the sympathetic nervous system. 12:30: Understanding your needs. 15:15: Developing a wide range of response. 17:20: The ease of being driven from the green zone. 19:20: Ways to calm down. 23:00: State calm vs. trait calm. 28:00: The importance of tranquility. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 Juli 201832min

Ep. 25: How to Feel "Like a Good Person"

Ep. 25: How to Feel "Like a Good Person"

It's often surprisingly hard to feel like a good person...even if we are one! Dr. Hanson and Forrest wrap up the strength of Confidence by exploring how we can authentically feel like a good person from the top-down and the bottom-up. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:30: What is “feeling like a good person?” 3:00: Why is it hard to feel like a good person? 6:00: Comparing part of our lives to all of another’s. 7:00: Why is it good to feel like a good person? 11:00: Ways to grow the feeling of being a good person. 17:00: Top-down vs. bottom-up 20:00: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

2 Juli 201822min

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