Understanding Your Relationships: The Connection Between Attachment Theory & Polyvagal Theory

Ready to take a deep dive into understanding your relationships? Sarah breaks down the connection between Polyvagal Theory and Attachment Theory, explaining how your autonomic nervous system shapes the way you show up in your romantic partnerships, friendships, family, job, finances, and more. Healing attachment wounds isn’t something you can simply “talk” your way into—it must be addressed somatically at the nervous system level.

Through relatable examples, you’ll learn about the different attachment styles—anxious, avoidant, and disorganized—and how each one is a brilliant, adaptive response to our early childhood experiences. Whether you're stuck in difficult patterns or seeking a deeper understanding of your relationships, this episode is packed with actionable tools to guide you toward an earned secure attachment and healthier, more meaningful connections.

Episode Highlights

00:00 Intro

00:15 The Connection Between Polyvagal Theory and Attachment Theory

03:53 The Origin of How We Relate to Others

09:44 Anxious Attachment Style

19:58 Avoidant Attachment Style

25:58 Disorganized Attachment Style

31:08 Secure Attachment Style

38:47 What Attachment Style Does the Flight Response Connect To?

44:19 How Do Somatic Practices Help in Healing Attachment Wounds?

49:03 Some Things Can Only Be Healed in a Relational Dynamic

56:04 Growing Up with Narcissistic Family Members

01:02:43 The Process of Healthy Aggression

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Looking for tools to help you start feeling better? Download Sarah’s free workbook, “How To Gain Control Over How You Feel,” to learn more about trauma’s role in keeping you stuck and how to begin healing at the nervous system level.

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Important Keywords:

• Polyvagal Theory - A scientific theory coined by Stephen Porges that explains how the autonomic nervous system controls our reactions to stress and connection.
• Attachment Theory - A psychological model that explains how early relationships with caregivers shape our ability to form healthy emotional bonds.
• Nervous System Regulation - The process of calming or balancing the nervous system to achieve emotional and physical stability. This is crucial for managing stress and maintaining healthy relationships.
• Anxious Attachment Style - An “insecure” or adaptive attachment style where we feel safer when others are close and less safe when we’re alone.
• Avoidant Attachment Style - An “insecure” or adaptive attachment style where connection or closeness may feel overwhelming, even though a part of us deeply desires connection.
• Disorganized Attachment Style - An “insecure” or adaptive attachment style where we may want people close, but when they are close, we will reflexively push them away and then desire closeness again.
• Somatics - Therapeutic tools used to address emotional struggles and trauma by healing it in the body, aiming to restore balance to the nervous system.