A Trauma-Informed Understanding of Forgiveness and Letting Go

There can be a lot of talk around forgiveness in the self-help space, but what does it actually mean to forgive? Forgiveness is not just a mindset shift or something we can “think” our way into—it is a somatic process that requires addressing the nervous system and accessing our healthy aggression.

Using the latest neuroscience research, Sarah explains how unresolved trauma gets stored in our bodies until we are able to “complete the incomplete experience” or access the appropriate response to what occurred. If you’ve struggled to let go and move forward in life, this episode will give you a step-by-step guide to somatically resolve these wounds, so that you can find freedom from the past and release feelings of shame and resentment.

Episode Highlights

00:00 Intro

00:46 Time Does Not Heal All

04:36 We Must First Process What Occurred

08:01 What is Healthy Aggression?

11:20 What is Unhealthy Aggression?

12:36 Building Your Capacity for Healthy Aggression

15:56 Practical Applications for Somatic Forgiveness

21:31 Accessing Your Unmet Needs

24:09 Struggling to Move On After a Betrayal

27:21 Healing Shame and Anger from Childhood Trauma

32:48 How to Overcome Parental Guilt

42:07 Spiritual Bypassing Around Forgiveness

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Important Keywords:

Polyvagal Theory - This theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, explains how the autonomic nervous system regulates our responses to stress, danger, and safety. It highlights the role of the vagus nerve in shifting between survival states (fight, flight, freeze, and shut down) and social engagement, which is crucial for emotional healing.

Healthy Aggression - A term coined by Peter Levine, this is our lifeforce energy, which is needed to set boundaries, protect oneself, and assert personal needs. It’s also the energy that allows us to experience full aliveness, connection, wonder, and awe. When suppressed, it can lead to unresolved anger, resentment, and even physical symptoms, but when expressed appropriately, it helps complete past emotional responses.

Trauma - Trauma is the overwhelm of activation (energy) experienced in our bodies, in the face of helplessness. If we do not have the conditions necessary for trauma to process through our bodies, it becomes stuck and stored, leaving lasting emotional, physical or psychological imprints. It disrupts the nervous system causing chronic dysregulation, disconnection and/or hypervigilance.

Somatic Healing - Somatic healing focuses on addressing trauma and stress stored in the body, rather than just the mind. It involves practices that help release trapped activation/energy, regulate the nervous system and complete the incomplete response to trauma of the past, and reconnect with the physical self. Techniques like movement, touch, and breathwork are commonly used to support this healing process.

Titration of Trauma - This refers to the body's natural process of releasing stored energy from past trauma or stress. It can happen through movement, sound, breathwork, or other somatic practices that allow the body to complete an unfinished emotional cycle and pendulate through stress responses.