How to Open Your Relationship (On Purpose): Tools, Terms & Truth | Ep. 119 (Part 1)

In this episode, I sit down with ICF certified relationship coach, erotic event producer and founder of Passport to Pleasure Ally Iseman to explore what consensual non-monogamy can look like in real life—beyond headlines and hot takes. Ally shares her evolution from serial monogamist to multi-partner relationships, she defines compersion and erotic jealousy (zelophilia), and explains how clarity, agreements, and tolerating discomfort are the real “muscles” of any sustainable relationship—monogamous or not. You’ll hear practical frameworks for opening up, the difference between romantic and sexual needs, and how multiple relationships can highlight different authentic versions of yourself.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth: sex & midlife reset

0:35 – Meet Ally Iseman: the Non-Monogamy Nerd

1:18 – From serial monogamy to self-study: changing the variables

3:05 – The first “green light” story—and an unexpected reaction

5:12 – Compersion vs jealousy vs erotic jealousy (zelophilia)

7:08 – When “we thought we were okay” meets reality

8:23 – Agreements, definitions, and why discomfort is data

10:15 – Cheating vs ENM: clarity beats assumptions

11:36 – Romantic needs vs sexual needs: orientation or lifestyle?

13:10 – Multiple partners, multiple selves: time, priority, authenticity

15:05 – Karen’s reflections: bi-coastal love & new relationship energy

16:32 – Making it work: communication, calendars, and compassion

17:26 – What’s next + Part 2 coming next

Want a deeper look? Watch the full episode on YouTube for a more visual experience of today’s discussion. This episode is best enjoyed on video—don’t miss out!

Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Menopause Coach, tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. We explore the intricacies of sex during perimenopause, post-menopause, and andropause, offering insights and support for all those experiencing these transformative phases.

This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.

Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:

Email: karen@taboototruth.com

Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast

About the guest:

Ally Iseman is a writer, consultant, ICF Certified Relationship Coach, NCSF-registered Kink Aware Professional (KAP), and the Founder of the inclusive relationship resource platform Passport2Pleasure.com. ​Sitting on numerous advisory boards in NED roles for brands in the sex tech and relational wellness spaces, she has been a speaker, erotic event producer, and non-monogamy educator and practitioner since 2016. A sought after podcast guest, Ally is also a featured subject matter expert for publications like The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, Romper, PureWow, and Yahoo! among others, and is a contributing writer and educator for the leading industry publication Sexual Health Magazine as well as brands like Arya and Afterglow. As a certified consent and communication specialist, she uses inclusive relationship design to teach busy couples around the world the tools and skills they need to build the relationships they want and deserve.

Connect with Ally Iseman:

Substack https://allyiseman.substack.com/

ENM 101 https://www.passport2pleasure.com/a/2148080202/xuzLqM2k

The Jealousy Toolkit https://www.passport2pleasure.com/a/2148080203/xuzLqM2k

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/allyiseman

Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Menopause Coach, tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. We explore the intricacies of sex during perimenopause, post-menopause, and andropause, offering insights and support for all those experiencing these transformative phases.

This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.

Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:

Email: karen@taboototruth.com

Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast

Take control of your pleasure with my Pleasure Playbook, filled with tips to help you connect with your body and enhance intimacy. Download it now at www.taboototruth.com/pleasureplaybook.

Take control of your pleasure with my Pleasure Playbook, filled with tips to help you connect with your body and enhance intimacy. Download it now at www.taboototruth.com/pleasureplaybook.