Episode 77: From Addiction Counselor to Fisting Top: Grayson Howell on Confidence, Kink, and Chicago’s Scene

In Episode 77 of Brolapse, Ryan James (HungerFF) sits down with Chicago-based creator Grayson Howell to talk about the unexpected path that led him into content creation, kink culture, and the world of fisting.

What starts as a conversation about a viral scene with Wyld Rider quickly turns into something deeper. Grayson opens up about his past working as an LGBTQ addiction counselor, the burnout that came with that career, and the moment he decided to finally take a leap and start posting adult content online.

Along the way, the two discuss body confidence, therapy, and how the bear community helped Grayson find a new sense of self. He also shares how experienced friends in Minneapolis guided him through his first fisting experience, turning what started as curiosity into a passion.

The conversation explores Chicago’s massive fetish ecosystem, long-running kink communities, IML, the rise of fisting culture in modern porn, and why mentorship and trust are central to the scene.

Grayson also breaks down his philosophy as a soft dom fisting top, including why training partners slowly, prioritizing chemistry, and emphasizing aftercare makes for the best experiences.

The result is an episode that is funny, thoughtful, and unexpectedly wholesome for a podcast about punching holes.

X (Twitter):

https://x.com/pupgrayson

BlueSky:

https://sweddybear.bsky.social

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/muleferdan

Linktree (OnlyFans, JustForFans, etc):

https://linktr.ee/sweddybear

Spotify

https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/Brolapse

Apple Podcasts

https://apple.co/408WLLX

Amazon Music & Audible

https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/57bbf689-250a-4c96-8559-0a79805f18b6/hungerff-presents-brolapse

iHeartRadio

https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-hungerff-presents-brolapse-290151273

🕗 New episodes drop every Friday at 8PM

🔥 Full video episodes available exclusively at

https://HungerFF.com

Spotify subscribers also get early video access as soon as editing is finished.

Order now:

https://www.hungerff.com/deeper

💎 Limited edition hardcover covers (still available):

https://www.hungerff.com/shop/deeper-hardcover-editions

Ryan is wearing the “Fisting Jesus: Sacred Sleaze Edition” tee in this episode.

Grab it here:

https://hungerff.threadless.com/designs/fisting-jesus-sacred-sleaze-edition

Ryan James is also releasing new music every week through the HungerFF Sound Initiative.

Listen here:

https://www.hungerff.com/music

🎙️ Brolapse is a podcast exploring sex, identity, kink culture, and the people shaping the community from the inside out.

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Jaksot(97)

Episode 96 (Radio Edit — Full Ep on Spotify): Cubby Peach — How a Curiosity Became a Passion

This week's Brolapse Radio Edit features the opening chapter of my conversation with Cubby Peach.In this abbreviated episode, Cubby shares how a lifelong curiosity evolved into a passion, the experien...

18 Heinä 7min

Episode 95 (Raw & Uncensored): HungerFF Sound Initiative Vol. 3 — Life Update, Surgery Setbacks & New Music

Life has had other plans lately.In this special solo episode of Brolapse, Ryan James (HungerFF) opens up about the unexpected series of events that have delayed his long-awaited colostomy reversal sur...

11 Heinä 21min

Episode 94 (Radio Edit — Full Ep on Spotify): Patrick Davis — Fearless Publishing, Memoirs & Telling the Truth

This is the FREE Radio Edit of my conversation with Patrick Davis, Editor-in-Chief of Unbound Edition Press.Patrick returns for Part 2 to talk about the realities of independent publishing, editing de...

4 Heinä 27min

Episode 93: (Radio Edit — Full Ep on Spotify) Patrick Davis — Fearless Publishing, Finding Brotherhood & The Stories That Matter

This is the FREE radio edit of this week's episode. You're listening to an abbreviated version featuring highlights from my conversation with Patrick Davis, Editor-in-Chief of Unbound Edition Press. T...

27 Kesä 21min

Episode 92 (Radio Edit — Full Ep on Spotify): Dominic Pacifico — From Twink to Daddy, Porn’s Evolution & Finding a Second Act

This week on Brolapse, Ryan James sits down with longtime performer, producer, DJ, and fetish icon Dominic Pacifico for a candid conversation spanning nearly three decades in the adult industry.In thi...

20 Kesä 19min

Episode 91 (Radio Edit — Full Ep on Spotify): Ray Diesel — How One Hookup Changed Everything

This week on Brolapse, Ryan sits down with longtime friend and performer Ray Diesel for a conversation that spans more than a decade in the adult industry.The two reconnect after running into each oth...

13 Kesä 21min

Episode 90: Alex Tikas Returns — Parasocial Hell, Fame Without Money, & Being the Villains

Alex Tikas returns to Brolapse nearly 90 episodes after becoming the very first guest on the show, and this time the conversation goes way deeper than Mexico stories.Ryan James and Alex unpack what it...

6 Kesä 29min

Episode 89: FFalconPunch Part 2 — Community, Connection & Protecting What Matters

In Part 2 of my conversation with FFalconPunch, we dive into some of the most meaningful topics we’ve ever discussed on Brolapse.We talk about mentorship, community building, and why belonging shouldn...

30 Touko 34min