SS 261: Mistakes Happen - Processing After Boundary Violations or Safer Sex Failures

SS 261: Mistakes Happen - Processing After Boundary Violations or Safer Sex Failures

It's pretty much a given that, at some point or another in swinging or polyamory, there will be boundary violations, safer sex failures, and other moments you'd talked about and thought about and made rules about. No matter how much hypothetical thought goes into it, though, often being confronted with these things in the real world can cause some serious "knocked on your ass" moments. Tonight we talk about how to process boundary violations, safer sex failures, and the importance of compassion throughout the process.

Dylan relayed his recent protection failure story, consisting of a condom sliding off during sex resulting in condomless ejaculation. While the story and the people involved were incredibly sexy, the mistakes made (delaying telling a partner, processing the failure as offense, lack of perspective on the risk of playing with others) resulted in an otherwise pleasant encounter into something to suffer through.

Cooper makes the point that something will happen over the course of a swinging lifetime, and that you should treat others how you'd want to be treated if you were the one who'd "screwed up" somehow, that compassion in necessary because everyone is hurting when there's no intent to harm.

The group moves into discussing "odd-man out" scenarios in which (usually) the male half of a couple who ends up not playing has a choice on whether to be mopey and whiny about it, or whether to enjoy his partner's pleasure and the atmosphere, and to potentially live to play again later in the night. Dylan once again relays a story of not taking his usual care to see the "odd-man out" partner before joining his wife in a threesome, and speaks of some real regret in not doing so after seeing a well meaning person hurting.


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While we're on Google Play Podcasts, they don't appear to support a review option yet so... hang tight on that, and we apparently aren't on Spotify yet. Dylan spoke a little too soon. We'd sack him but we'd have to hire a hundred monkey editors to replace him and that's a lot of work but you. #grrDYLAN

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Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Find Cooper on Twitter @CooperSBeckett, Dylan on Twitter @DylanTheThomas, and Ginger on twitter @GingerNTheProf.

You can Cooper's novel about swinging, A Life Less Monogamous, at alifelessmonogamous.com or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory at mylifeontheswingset.com as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook and if you buy them from his sites, use promo code SWINGSET to save 10%!

Today's podcast featured music by:

Rich Edwards - For You (featuring Park Avenue)

Richard Caddock, WRLD, Nitro Fun, Slips & Slurs & Subtact - Break The Silence

Cooper S Beckett Ginger Bentham Dylan Thomas

Jaksot(431)

SS 091: Open Sex Positivity - Spreading the Good Word

SS 091: Open Sex Positivity - Spreading the Good Word

Kendra Holliday joins us in a discussion on how to be open and sex positive while still staying friendly and approachable. Our discussion heats up when Dylan suggests that he misses Rick Santorum competing for the Republican presidential nomination because it was such a great opportunity to discuss sex positivity in comparison to the extreme positions Santorum took on... well everything from sex's role to women's health, and cools back down once we all figured out that we're all best served by having calm reasoned discussions with people we disagree with... Who knew?! Check out the Talula G2 Dildo by Vamp Silicon at The Smitten Kitten! Join the Swingset crew at Desire Resort & Spa from November 3-10, 2012!

15 Loka 201259min

SS 090: Two Years Out Of The Closet - Kendra Holliday is Open

SS 090: Two Years Out Of The Closet - Kendra Holliday is Open

Two years ago a woman by the name of TBK visited us here on the Swingset to talk about her life, and her website, The Beautiful Kind. We heard back from her after she came out as Kendra Holliday and listened as she described the liberation of being out and the frustration of being under attack from all sides for her decision. Today she rejoins us and lets us know how she's progressed on her journey from a simple webmistress to a founder of Sex Positive St. Louis, as an activist, as a mother, and as a woman.  Join the Swingset crew at Desire Resort & Spa from November 3-10, 2012!

8 Loka 201257min

SS 089: Drama and Unreasonable Requests in Swinging & Polyamory

SS 089: Drama and Unreasonable Requests in Swinging & Polyamory

A listener's story about the unreasonable request from a swing friend for the husband in a couple to impregnate her, leads us into a discussion about what is acceptable and not to ask of your partners in swinging & polyamory, and also what to do when the dreaded drama rears its ugly head.   Join the Swingset crew at Desire Resort & Spa from November 3-10, 2012!

24 Syys 20121h 4min

SS 088: Polysaturation and Swing Overload - Too Much of a Good Thing

SS 088: Polysaturation and Swing Overload - Too Much of a Good Thing

Our good friends SFCuties asked us, "Is there a swinger version of PolySaturated, and what would it be called?" We take on this challenge tonight, going through what it feels like to be polysaturated and smitten with what we call, "swing overload". Shira B. Katz regales us with tales of her time at Burning Man including good times at the indoor airconditioned sex dome, which then disintegrated into discussion about body odors in the context of orgies.   Join the Swingset crew at Desire Resort & Spa from November 3-10, 2012!

17 Syys 20121h

SS 087: Gangbang the Mailbag IV: Divorce or Cheating, Nuclear Situations, New to Parties, and Escalating Friends with Benefits

SS 087: Gangbang the Mailbag IV: Divorce or Cheating, Nuclear Situations, New to Parties, and Escalating Friends with Benefits

10 Syys 20121h 8min

SS 086: Beautiful Pornography and the Art of the Blowjob

SS 086: Beautiful Pornography and the Art of the Blowjob

Amidst the endless bang bus, humiliation porn, and ass to mouth videos, one site stands out as something completely different: TheArtOfBlowjob.com, featuring a gorgeous redhead named Camille Crimson giving slow, artistic, fun, and sexy blowjobs to her man. The Art of Blowjob is leading a charge toward a different landscape of porn with more beauty in it. PR and Marketing Director for The Art Of Blowjob, Sophie Delancey joins us to talk about the beautiful porn she manages, what she thinks about the future of porn, and to get some advice on climbing onto the swingset from us. Shownotes: For those of you scrambling to write down the amazing collection of links Sophie gave us at the end of tonight's episode, here they are: Sites:SophieDelancey.com • TheArtofBlowjob.com • SlowMotionBlowjob.com • PornographicLove.com • CamilleCrimson.com  Twitter Handles@SophieDelancey • @CamilleCrimson • @MikeFlirt • @LilyanneBloom • @MaxSauvage Facebook PagesCamille Crimson • LilyanneBloom TumblrsSophieDelancey • Camille Crimson • Pornographic Love   Join the Swingset crew at Desire Resort & Spa from November 3-10, 2012!

3 Syys 20121h 8min

SS 085: Foreplay, Fiveplay, Sixplay, Orgy!

SS 085: Foreplay, Fiveplay, Sixplay, Orgy!

Foreplay... it's what we sometimes don't have time for, but apparently what we all desperately want more of! Whether it's giving, receiving, taking hours, or taking a few minutes, we take the time to discuss what we like, why we like it, what we do for other people and why we do for other people and figure out that sometimes all a situation can be -is- foreplay. Ginger reveals her secret mutant ability, the stealthy surprise orgasm and Shira reveals she's only recently gotten into receiving foreplay.   Join the Swingset crew at Desire Resort & Spa from November 3-10, 2012!

25 Elo 201258min

SS 084: Cultivating Swinging & Polyamorous Relationships

SS 084: Cultivating Swinging & Polyamorous Relationships

We explore cultivating relationships from both the swinging perspective and polyamorous perspective. Ginger feels ready to get out there and meet some women to date. Cooper has an important (and easy) relationship discussion with his girlfriend about their involvement level and expanding his dating. Time is a very important factor, as is relationship structuring, but it can be hard going in with very low expectations. Google Calendar again emerges as the cornerstone of non-monogamy. Shira talks about how poly relationships interact with her family. We round it out with a discussion of time management, and how different swinging and poly are in the disclosure realm.

13 Elo 20121h 2min

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