SS 261: Mistakes Happen - Processing After Boundary Violations or Safer Sex Failures

SS 261: Mistakes Happen - Processing After Boundary Violations or Safer Sex Failures

It's pretty much a given that, at some point or another in swinging or polyamory, there will be boundary violations, safer sex failures, and other moments you'd talked about and thought about and made rules about. No matter how much hypothetical thought goes into it, though, often being confronted with these things in the real world can cause some serious "knocked on your ass" moments. Tonight we talk about how to process boundary violations, safer sex failures, and the importance of compassion throughout the process.

Dylan relayed his recent protection failure story, consisting of a condom sliding off during sex resulting in condomless ejaculation. While the story and the people involved were incredibly sexy, the mistakes made (delaying telling a partner, processing the failure as offense, lack of perspective on the risk of playing with others) resulted in an otherwise pleasant encounter into something to suffer through.

Cooper makes the point that something will happen over the course of a swinging lifetime, and that you should treat others how you'd want to be treated if you were the one who'd "screwed up" somehow, that compassion in necessary because everyone is hurting when there's no intent to harm.

The group moves into discussing "odd-man out" scenarios in which (usually) the male half of a couple who ends up not playing has a choice on whether to be mopey and whiny about it, or whether to enjoy his partner's pleasure and the atmosphere, and to potentially live to play again later in the night. Dylan once again relays a story of not taking his usual care to see the "odd-man out" partner before joining his wife in a threesome, and speaks of some real regret in not doing so after seeing a well meaning person hurting.


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While we're on Google Play Podcasts, they don't appear to support a review option yet so... hang tight on that, and we apparently aren't on Spotify yet. Dylan spoke a little too soon. We'd sack him but we'd have to hire a hundred monkey editors to replace him and that's a lot of work but you. #grrDYLAN

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Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Find Cooper on Twitter @CooperSBeckett, Dylan on Twitter @DylanTheThomas, and Ginger on twitter @GingerNTheProf.

You can Cooper's novel about swinging, A Life Less Monogamous, at alifelessmonogamous.com or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory at mylifeontheswingset.com as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook and if you buy them from his sites, use promo code SWINGSET to save 10%!

Today's podcast featured music by:

Rich Edwards - For You (featuring Park Avenue)

Richard Caddock, WRLD, Nitro Fun, Slips & Slurs & Subtact - Break The Silence

Cooper S Beckett Ginger Bentham Dylan Thomas

Jaksot(431)

SS 006: Those Are The Rules – Defining Your Rules as Swingers

SS 006: Those Are The Rules – Defining Your Rules as Swingers

In Episode 6, the team discusses the importance of having rules in the swinging lifestyle, what's allowed and what isn't, what needs to be discussed beforehand and what doesn't.  We also talk about what to do when rules are broken, and how to decide you need new rules or have outgrown the old. On this

24 Touko 201036min

SS 005: Soft Swap VS Full Swap

SS 005: Soft Swap VS Full Swap

In Episode 5, we talk about the two major terms in the swinging community, soft swap (play but no intercourse with the opposite partner) or full (everybody gets laid) and discuss the complexities in defining each, and the pros and cons.  Sasha also talks about her new website: pleasure-parties.com On this show: Cooper, Sasha, Dylan, &

10 Touko 201035min

SS 004: Compersion VS Jealousy – Swingers Deal With Jealousy

SS 004: Compersion VS Jealousy – Swingers Deal With Jealousy

In Episode 4, we discuss compersion, the term that finds you experiencing pleasure because your partner is experiencing pleasure, versus jealousy, a term we all know. The Swingset gang discusses how to overcome jealousy in many situations, all striving for that nirvana called compersion

29 Huhti 201036min

SS 003: Sad State of Affairs – Swinging in America

SS 003: Sad State of Affairs – Swinging in America

In episode 3 we discuss the sad state of affairs American conciousness is at regarding sexuality, from the RNC's new lesbian-bondage-strippergate, to sex ed, to the pros and cons of staying in the closet as swingers, to sex toys, and the fact that everybody's really just jealous.

14 Huhti 201041min

SS 002: Birds of a Feather – Finding Other Swingers

SS 002: Birds of a Feather – Finding Other Swingers

In our second episode, we continue our logistics of getting into the lifestyle with a look at finding friends and admitting to them and yourself that you want to...well...have sex with them. We discuss first dates, where to go and most importantly how to be safe when opening yourself up

18 Maalis 201044min

SS 001: Dipping a Toe In – How To Start Swinging

SS 001: Dipping a Toe In – How To Start Swinging

In our first podcast we discuss the very beginnings of what to do when you think you may want to have an open relationship. We talk in detail about dealing with that idea yourself and deciding if opening up is right for you. We also deal with the first stages of discussing this with your

4 Maalis 201046min

SS 000: Swinging For Dummies I – Realizing You're Non-Monogamous

SS 000: Swinging For Dummies I – Realizing You're Non-Monogamous

Realizing that our first episode doesn't deal with the first thoughts about non-monogamy nearly as well as episode 59, released two years later, we thought we'd rejigger the episodes up and add a Swingset Zero episode. On this episode we talk about the moment when we realized we were non-monogamous and how we dealt with that paradigm shift, how it impacted our perception of ourselves, and where we take that. We talk about cheating and deception while trying to be monogamous. We discuss the impact of monogamy on bisexuality, the complexity of polyamory, and how to begin. For further adventures in the four-part Swinging For Dummies series, check out episodes 60, 62, and 63

1 Maalis 20101h 1min

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