SS 261: Mistakes Happen - Processing After Boundary Violations or Safer Sex Failures

SS 261: Mistakes Happen - Processing After Boundary Violations or Safer Sex Failures

It's pretty much a given that, at some point or another in swinging or polyamory, there will be boundary violations, safer sex failures, and other moments you'd talked about and thought about and made rules about. No matter how much hypothetical thought goes into it, though, often being confronted with these things in the real world can cause some serious "knocked on your ass" moments. Tonight we talk about how to process boundary violations, safer sex failures, and the importance of compassion throughout the process.

Dylan relayed his recent protection failure story, consisting of a condom sliding off during sex resulting in condomless ejaculation. While the story and the people involved were incredibly sexy, the mistakes made (delaying telling a partner, processing the failure as offense, lack of perspective on the risk of playing with others) resulted in an otherwise pleasant encounter into something to suffer through.

Cooper makes the point that something will happen over the course of a swinging lifetime, and that you should treat others how you'd want to be treated if you were the one who'd "screwed up" somehow, that compassion in necessary because everyone is hurting when there's no intent to harm.

The group moves into discussing "odd-man out" scenarios in which (usually) the male half of a couple who ends up not playing has a choice on whether to be mopey and whiny about it, or whether to enjoy his partner's pleasure and the atmosphere, and to potentially live to play again later in the night. Dylan once again relays a story of not taking his usual care to see the "odd-man out" partner before joining his wife in a threesome, and speaks of some real regret in not doing so after seeing a well meaning person hurting.


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While we're on Google Play Podcasts, they don't appear to support a review option yet so... hang tight on that, and we apparently aren't on Spotify yet. Dylan spoke a little too soon. We'd sack him but we'd have to hire a hundred monkey editors to replace him and that's a lot of work but you. #grrDYLAN

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Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Find Cooper on Twitter @CooperSBeckett, Dylan on Twitter @DylanTheThomas, and Ginger on twitter @GingerNTheProf.

You can Cooper's novel about swinging, A Life Less Monogamous, at alifelessmonogamous.com or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory at mylifeontheswingset.com as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook and if you buy them from his sites, use promo code SWINGSET to save 10%!

Today's podcast featured music by:

Rich Edwards - For You (featuring Park Avenue)

Richard Caddock, WRLD, Nitro Fun, Slips & Slurs & Subtact - Break The Silence

Cooper S Beckett Ginger Bentham Dylan Thomas

Jaksot(431)

SS 021: Bisexuality and You – Part 1

SS 021: Bisexuality and You – Part 1

In Life on the Swingset, The Podcast, Ep 21, we begin the big discussion about male and female bisexuality, crossing our way into pansexuality and omnisexuality and everything in between. We discuss the journey of the bisexual male, the evolution of acceptance (and hotness) of the bisexual female, the stereotypes and biases against both and the growing need for non-monogamy to be its own subclass

12 Marras 201035min

SS 020: The Sexual Costumes and Masks We Wear

SS 020: The Sexual Costumes and Masks We Wear

In Ep 20, we talk about how, even in open relationships, even as sex positive people, we often hide our true interests, feelings, ideas from playmates and our partner. We discuss why this might be as well as talk about moving beyond it. We also talk about fetishes and role playing. On this show: Cooper,

30 Loka 201059min

SS 019: Anal Sex & Double Penetration for the Non-Monogamous

SS 019: Anal Sex & Double Penetration for the Non-Monogamous

In Ep 19, we talk about anal sex and its place in non-monogamy, how it's often tokenized for significant other play only, the wonders and joys of double penetration, pegging, and male bisexuality. On this show: Cooper, Ginger, Dylan, Shira B.Katz, & Kendra Holliday (Formerly TBK) Show notes: Buy the Nexus Maximus, our favorite dual

16 Loka 201056min

SS 018: Blurring the Lines Between Polyamory and Swinging – Non Monogamy Cums Together

SS 018: Blurring the Lines Between Polyamory and Swinging – Non Monogamy Cums Together

In Ep 18, we invite two new friends onto the swingset for our discussion of the blurred line between polyamory and swinging. In this discussion we attempt to define the two terms and then break down our own definitions, we expand further with how we relate to friends and lovers. On this show: Cooper, Ginger,

4 Loka 201055min

SS 017: Guys Have Penises, Girls Have Vaginas IV: The Final Chapter

SS 017: Guys Have Penises, Girls Have Vaginas IV: The Final Chapter

In Ep 17, we bring it around with an all guys show for the final installment of our four part Lost Weekendesque bender, separating the girls and the guys and running them through a gauntlet of questions about swinging. For this episode, the guys, led by Cooper, answer questions put to them by the girls.  Up for

23 Syys 201027min

SS 016: Guys Have Penises, Girls Have Vaginas III

SS 016: Guys Have Penises, Girls Have Vaginas III

In Ep 16, we switch things up with an all girls show for the back half of our four part Lost Weekendesque bender, separating the girls and the guys and running them through a gauntlet of questions about swinging. For this episode, the girls, led by Ginger, answer questions put to them by the guys.  Up for

18 Syys 201042min

SS 015: Guys Have Penises, Girls Have Vaginas II

SS 015: Guys Have Penises, Girls Have Vaginas II

In Ep 15, we continue our four part Lost Weekendesque bender, separating the girls and the guys and running them through a gauntlet of questions about swinging. In the first two parts, the girls and guys answer the same questions and we jump back and forth between them. Up for discussion in this episode: "What are

11 Syys 201052min

SS 014: Guys Have Penises, Girls Have Vaginas I

SS 014: Guys Have Penises, Girls Have Vaginas I

In Ep 14, we begin our four part Lost Weekendesque bender, separating the girls and the guys and running them through a gauntlet of questions about swinging. In the first two parts, the girls and guys answer the same questions and we jump back and forth between them. Up for discussion in this episode: "When

4 Syys 201052min

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