SS 261: Mistakes Happen - Processing After Boundary Violations or Safer Sex Failures

SS 261: Mistakes Happen - Processing After Boundary Violations or Safer Sex Failures

It's pretty much a given that, at some point or another in swinging or polyamory, there will be boundary violations, safer sex failures, and other moments you'd talked about and thought about and made rules about. No matter how much hypothetical thought goes into it, though, often being confronted with these things in the real world can cause some serious "knocked on your ass" moments. Tonight we talk about how to process boundary violations, safer sex failures, and the importance of compassion throughout the process.

Dylan relayed his recent protection failure story, consisting of a condom sliding off during sex resulting in condomless ejaculation. While the story and the people involved were incredibly sexy, the mistakes made (delaying telling a partner, processing the failure as offense, lack of perspective on the risk of playing with others) resulted in an otherwise pleasant encounter into something to suffer through.

Cooper makes the point that something will happen over the course of a swinging lifetime, and that you should treat others how you'd want to be treated if you were the one who'd "screwed up" somehow, that compassion in necessary because everyone is hurting when there's no intent to harm.

The group moves into discussing "odd-man out" scenarios in which (usually) the male half of a couple who ends up not playing has a choice on whether to be mopey and whiny about it, or whether to enjoy his partner's pleasure and the atmosphere, and to potentially live to play again later in the night. Dylan once again relays a story of not taking his usual care to see the "odd-man out" partner before joining his wife in a threesome, and speaks of some real regret in not doing so after seeing a well meaning person hurting.


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While we're on Google Play Podcasts, they don't appear to support a review option yet so... hang tight on that, and we apparently aren't on Spotify yet. Dylan spoke a little too soon. We'd sack him but we'd have to hire a hundred monkey editors to replace him and that's a lot of work but you. #grrDYLAN

We have TEN rooms left for our 2016 trip to Desire! Sign up now! November 5th through 12th, 2016!

Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Find Cooper on Twitter @CooperSBeckett, Dylan on Twitter @DylanTheThomas, and Ginger on twitter @GingerNTheProf.

You can Cooper's novel about swinging, A Life Less Monogamous, at alifelessmonogamous.com or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory at mylifeontheswingset.com as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook and if you buy them from his sites, use promo code SWINGSET to save 10%!

Today's podcast featured music by:

Rich Edwards - For You (featuring Park Avenue)

Richard Caddock, WRLD, Nitro Fun, Slips & Slurs & Subtact - Break The Silence

Cooper S Beckett Ginger Bentham Dylan Thomas

Jaksot(431)

SS 037: Gang Bang The Mailbag – Listener Questions on Swinging, Poly & Open

SS 037: Gang Bang The Mailbag – Listener Questions on Swinging, Poly & Open

In our first "Listener Mailbag" episode we answer several questions from voicemail and email, tackling such diverse topics as the hotness of swingers, sexual experience and prowess, how to swing when you have kids, going to swing clubs, male bisexuality, the HIV positive military man swinger, and more

23 Touko 20111h 18min

SS 036: Everybody Loves Orgasms – Swingers, Poly, and Open Cumming Together

SS 036: Everybody Loves Orgasms – Swingers, Poly, and Open Cumming Together

While Dylan fills his ass with first a vibrator, then a butt plug, we giggle our way through a discussion of our favorite thing in the whole world, orgasms. We discuss the differences in the many "spot" orgasms (G-Spot, P-Spot C-Spot U-Spot) and what orgasms feel like for us.

9 Touko 20111h 3min

SS 035: Safer Sex, The Infections Formerly Known as STDs & Swinging – How Swingers & Polyamorists Handle Safer Sex

SS 035: Safer Sex, The Infections Formerly Known as STDs & Swinging – How Swingers & Polyamorists Handle Safer Sex

One of the most concerning topics for anyone looking to get into the swinging or other non-monogamous lifestyles is the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection, so we invite Gay Rick from Sex Is Fun, a HIV educator, on to discuss the concept of acceptable risk, how we all need to make the decision for ourselves if our lifestyle is worth the risks inherent in it, and ways to minimize our exposure risks

25 Huhti 20111h 17min

SS 034: Breaking it Down – BDSM In The Swinging Lifestyle

SS 034: Breaking it Down – BDSM In The Swinging Lifestyle

Miss Ami, a full time Domme, returns to The Swingset to discuss how BDSM fits into the swinging and non-monogamous lifestyles, how these worlds collide, and being out as a kinky person. And Dylan's curiosity seems to be moving to full blown obsession

10 Huhti 201155min

SS 033: Spank My Ass! BDSM, Swinging and You

SS 033: Spank My Ass! BDSM, Swinging and You

The Swingset crew invites Miss Ami, a full time Domme to join the discussion about what BDSM stands for, what it means to be Domme/sub, how her lifestyle impacts her life, and why swingers seem to have such difficulty feeling comfortable with those four letters. (Dylan also discovers he might be more interested in exploring this than he thought...)

28 Maalis 201154min

SS 032: Cooper & Marilyn's Excellent Adventure – Swinging at Desire Resort & Spa

SS 032: Cooper & Marilyn's Excellent Adventure – Swinging at Desire Resort & Spa

Cooper and Marilyn just got back from Desire, but in between the nonstop playtime and suntanning and hottubbing and drinking and dining, they found time to record a full trip diary detailing their time spent at Desire Resort & Spa in Cancun. (Well, they found time to record two out of the three trip reports, the third was recorded, sadly, in cold Chicago.) So here it is, in its entirety, Cooper and Marilyn's Excellent Adventure!

14 Maalis 20111h 33min

SS 031: Sex on the Swingset is Fun – Live From Desire, The Sexiest Place on Earth with Kidder Kaper & Lorax

SS 031: Sex on the Swingset is Fun – Live From Desire, The Sexiest Place on Earth with Kidder Kaper & Lorax

In Ep 31, the greatest crossover since The Flintstones met The Jetsons happens as Cooper and Marilyn podcast with Kidder Kaper and Lorax from Sex Is Fun live from an outside bed at Desire in sunny Cancun. They discuss what it's like to be in a world populated by sex positive people, what may be the first publicly accepted bi male blowjob at the resort, the sometimes high tension and heightened drama that can result from such, the sexy times that have been had, first full swaps, newbies, and more!

27 Helmi 20111h 2min

SS 030: Love Thyself – Masturbation and Non-Monogamy

SS 030: Love Thyself – Masturbation and Non-Monogamy

In Ep 30, we discuss masturbation, which Woody Allen called "sex with someone I love," and talk about why, in swinging and non-monogamy, we have all the opportunity in the world for sex and we still continue to jack off and jill off (is that a thing?) We discuss discovering masturbation, techniques, toys, and why we love ourselves

17 Helmi 20111h 4min

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