SS 261: Mistakes Happen - Processing After Boundary Violations or Safer Sex Failures

SS 261: Mistakes Happen - Processing After Boundary Violations or Safer Sex Failures

It's pretty much a given that, at some point or another in swinging or polyamory, there will be boundary violations, safer sex failures, and other moments you'd talked about and thought about and made rules about. No matter how much hypothetical thought goes into it, though, often being confronted with these things in the real world can cause some serious "knocked on your ass" moments. Tonight we talk about how to process boundary violations, safer sex failures, and the importance of compassion throughout the process.

Dylan relayed his recent protection failure story, consisting of a condom sliding off during sex resulting in condomless ejaculation. While the story and the people involved were incredibly sexy, the mistakes made (delaying telling a partner, processing the failure as offense, lack of perspective on the risk of playing with others) resulted in an otherwise pleasant encounter into something to suffer through.

Cooper makes the point that something will happen over the course of a swinging lifetime, and that you should treat others how you'd want to be treated if you were the one who'd "screwed up" somehow, that compassion in necessary because everyone is hurting when there's no intent to harm.

The group moves into discussing "odd-man out" scenarios in which (usually) the male half of a couple who ends up not playing has a choice on whether to be mopey and whiny about it, or whether to enjoy his partner's pleasure and the atmosphere, and to potentially live to play again later in the night. Dylan once again relays a story of not taking his usual care to see the "odd-man out" partner before joining his wife in a threesome, and speaks of some real regret in not doing so after seeing a well meaning person hurting.


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While we're on Google Play Podcasts, they don't appear to support a review option yet so... hang tight on that, and we apparently aren't on Spotify yet. Dylan spoke a little too soon. We'd sack him but we'd have to hire a hundred monkey editors to replace him and that's a lot of work but you. #grrDYLAN

We have TEN rooms left for our 2016 trip to Desire! Sign up now! November 5th through 12th, 2016!

Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Find Cooper on Twitter @CooperSBeckett, Dylan on Twitter @DylanTheThomas, and Ginger on twitter @GingerNTheProf.

You can Cooper's novel about swinging, A Life Less Monogamous, at alifelessmonogamous.com or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory at mylifeontheswingset.com as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook and if you buy them from his sites, use promo code SWINGSET to save 10%!

Today's podcast featured music by:

Rich Edwards - For You (featuring Park Avenue)

Richard Caddock, WRLD, Nitro Fun, Slips & Slurs & Subtact - Break The Silence

Cooper S Beckett Ginger Bentham Dylan Thomas

Jaksot(431)

SS 067: Newly Non-Monogamous - Do We Like New Swingers & Polyamorists?

SS 067: Newly Non-Monogamous - Do We Like New Swingers & Polyamorists?

After a detour involving Prof Stephen Hawking's time spent at a sex club, we discuss new swingers, polyamorists, and non-monogamists. Cooper and Dylan both profess their affection with newbies, while Shira and Ginger confess they make them nervous. After the break we talk about our own experiences being newbies, and get sidetracked again by a discussion of Classic Chicago Commercials. Cooper closes the show by reviewing Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide To Pegging.

19 Maalis 201258min

SS 066: Chemistry - Connections, Pheromones, & Animal Attraction in Non-Monogamy

SS 066: Chemistry - Connections, Pheromones, & Animal Attraction in Non-Monogamy

Dylan launches a custom sexy talk service. We discuss the ethics and reasoning behind wanting or not wanting to date someone you're mentoring. Cooper and Dylan both want to fuck all their friends. We discuss what chemistry means to us all, the surprise of a chemistry blindside, and the difficulty of getting four way chemistry in swinging dating. Cooper reviews the Nexus Revo.

5 Maalis 20121h 10min

SS 065: Friends & Lovers - Do We Want To Be Friends With These People We Fuck?

SS 065: Friends & Lovers - Do We Want To Be Friends With These People We Fuck?

JV Altharas and Shara from Ending The Sexual Dark Age join us to discuss the dichotomy of being friends with your swinging playmates, and how we feel that enhances the value of the sex, but also how that can drift into other ares. We get sidetracked by the idea of writing directions on thighs, Cooper updates his Poly experiment, and Dylan rants about politics.

27 Helmi 20121h 14min

SS 064: Kink-O-Rama - Pegging, Voyeurism, Sapiosexuals, & Comfort

SS 064: Kink-O-Rama - Pegging, Voyeurism, Sapiosexuals, & Comfort

We cold open with Cooper having a butt plug (hand crafted by Boris at BnDpodcast.com) inserted by Marilyn, then lead into a discussion of our kinks kicked off by a listener voicemail request. We round robin it for a while, discovering some of our surface kinks, resistance play, certain clothes, BDSM and pegging tops the list. Dylan spends much of the show insisting he doesn't have any kinks before realizing time and again that he does. We also talk about being squicked out by some people's kinks, and the difference between kink and fetish.

18 Helmi 20121h 10min

SS 063: Swinging For Dummies IV - Relationships, Websites, & Sexy Vacations

SS 063: Swinging For Dummies IV - Relationships, Websites, & Sexy Vacations

We wrap up our "Swinging For Dummies" primer for the swinging lifestyle with the future. We discuss the types of relationships you might want to have with your swinging playmates, how to discuss that with them, how to determine what you're trying to get out of swinging, what websites you might use, and then shamelessly we implore you to join us in Desire this November.

7 Helmi 20121h 2min

SS 062: Swinging For Dummies III – Rules & Group Sex

SS 062: Swinging For Dummies III – Rules & Group Sex

We squick Dylan out with talk of dragon sex. Dylan vindicates himself with a listener voicemail about post vasectomy emptiness, then discusses his gigantic balls. Once we establish that Shira is the Dummy of the title, we begin by discussing the difference between soft swap and full swap, same and separate rooms, and group sex.  We discuss developing community, not rushing, and rules, how being drunk is a turn-off. You're dating as a team.

30 Tammi 20121h 7min

SS 061: Swinky - A Very BDSM Show Length Business

SS 061: Swinky - A Very BDSM Show Length Business

The Swingset crew gets quickly sidetracked by business that rapidly consumes the show. Dylan wants to be a Dom, Shira is enjoying being submissive. Cooper assigns the listeners the quest for a high quality strap on dildo that can squirt. We talk about being a switch, Cooper reveals his submissive tendencies, and we realize that we've talked far too long to continue the Swinging For Dummies show before next week.

23 Tammi 201242min

SS 060: Swinging For Dummies II - Talking To Your Partner About Non-Monogamy

SS 060: Swinging For Dummies II - Talking To Your Partner About Non-Monogamy

We continue our "Swinging For Dummies" discussion by moving into how to talk to your partner about your interest in non-monogamy. We weigh the idea of non-monogamy being a "deal-breaker" for your relationship and the future. Also on topic is potential for jealousy, the importance of LOTS of communication, and the excellent resources Sex at Dawn and Opening Up. When all is said and done, it's important to remember that you're going to be okay TOGETHER.

16 Tammi 201254min

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