SS 261: Mistakes Happen - Processing After Boundary Violations or Safer Sex Failures

SS 261: Mistakes Happen - Processing After Boundary Violations or Safer Sex Failures

It's pretty much a given that, at some point or another in swinging or polyamory, there will be boundary violations, safer sex failures, and other moments you'd talked about and thought about and made rules about. No matter how much hypothetical thought goes into it, though, often being confronted with these things in the real world can cause some serious "knocked on your ass" moments. Tonight we talk about how to process boundary violations, safer sex failures, and the importance of compassion throughout the process.

Dylan relayed his recent protection failure story, consisting of a condom sliding off during sex resulting in condomless ejaculation. While the story and the people involved were incredibly sexy, the mistakes made (delaying telling a partner, processing the failure as offense, lack of perspective on the risk of playing with others) resulted in an otherwise pleasant encounter into something to suffer through.

Cooper makes the point that something will happen over the course of a swinging lifetime, and that you should treat others how you'd want to be treated if you were the one who'd "screwed up" somehow, that compassion in necessary because everyone is hurting when there's no intent to harm.

The group moves into discussing "odd-man out" scenarios in which (usually) the male half of a couple who ends up not playing has a choice on whether to be mopey and whiny about it, or whether to enjoy his partner's pleasure and the atmosphere, and to potentially live to play again later in the night. Dylan once again relays a story of not taking his usual care to see the "odd-man out" partner before joining his wife in a threesome, and speaks of some real regret in not doing so after seeing a well meaning person hurting.


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While we're on Google Play Podcasts, they don't appear to support a review option yet so... hang tight on that, and we apparently aren't on Spotify yet. Dylan spoke a little too soon. We'd sack him but we'd have to hire a hundred monkey editors to replace him and that's a lot of work but you. #grrDYLAN

We have TEN rooms left for our 2016 trip to Desire! Sign up now! November 5th through 12th, 2016!

Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Find Cooper on Twitter @CooperSBeckett, Dylan on Twitter @DylanTheThomas, and Ginger on twitter @GingerNTheProf.

You can Cooper's novel about swinging, A Life Less Monogamous, at alifelessmonogamous.com or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory at mylifeontheswingset.com as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook and if you buy them from his sites, use promo code SWINGSET to save 10%!

Today's podcast featured music by:

Rich Edwards - For You (featuring Park Avenue)

Richard Caddock, WRLD, Nitro Fun, Slips & Slurs & Subtact - Break The Silence

Cooper S Beckett Ginger Bentham Dylan Thomas

Jaksot(431)

SS 059: Swinging For Dummies I - Realizing You're Non-Monogamous

SS 059: Swinging For Dummies I - Realizing You're Non-Monogamous

We go back to basics in the first of our Swinging For Dummies episodes. But first, returning friend The Professor tells us about Ginger's panty-less New Years Eve celebration. We talk about the moment when we realized we were non-monogamous and how we dealt with that paradigm shift, how it impacted our perception of ourselves, and where we take that. We talk about cheating and deception while trying to be monogamous. We discuss the impact of monogamy on bisexuality, the complexity of polyamory, and how to begin.

9 Tammi 20121h

SS 058: Bareback or Condoms: A Bad Swinger Sex Party

SS 058: Bareback or Condoms: A Bad Swinger Sex Party

After a spirited reading of the suggested uses for the Hitachi Magic Wand, Cooper claims to be the Steward of Gondor, and Dylan and Cooper describe their swing party that went bad.

31 Joulu 20111h 29min

SS 057: 12 Vibrating Yule Logs - Sex Toys, & The Smitten Kitten

SS 057: 12 Vibrating Yule Logs - Sex Toys, & The Smitten Kitten

18 Joulu 20111h 5min

SS 056: A Voicemail Gang-Bang - Anal Sex Play, Penis Size, & Pregnant Swingers

SS 056: A Voicemail Gang-Bang - Anal Sex Play, Penis Size, & Pregnant Swingers

After Cooper talks about kissing a boy for the first time, the crew answers voicemails about dealing with penis size concerns while swinging, anal sex play for bi males, reactions to pregnant swingers in a party situation, and our biggest surprises in our time as non-monogamous folk.

12 Joulu 201150min

SS 055: The Non-Monogamy Umbrella II - Swingers, Open Relationships, & Polyamory, 2gether 4 Eva

SS 055: The Non-Monogamy Umbrella II - Swingers, Open Relationships, & Polyamory, 2gether 4 Eva

We continue our discussion with poly activist and organizer Pepper Mint, but first Cooper and Dylan blow a "fight" over the word queer out of proportion. We discuss eroticizing jealousy, Ginger gets hot over the idea of "straddling the line," Pepper discusses polyamory and gay men. Cooper becomes militant about coming out and rails against the forces of "old and evil." And of course, we all get silly many times.

5 Joulu 20111h 14min

SS 054: The Non-Monogamy Umbrella I - Can't Swingers And Polyamorists Get Along?

SS 054: The Non-Monogamy Umbrella I - Can't Swingers And Polyamorists Get Along?

Pepper Mint, polyamory blogger, activist, & organizer joins us for a dialog on why the swinging and polyamory camps still have trouble getting along. We rant about a swing club that has been shut down by the authorities. Cooper doesn't want to "put baby in the corner" but finds it easy to shuffle Shira off to the poly side, but even she is shocked by the discussion of poly sex parties. Dylan is horrified to find that sometimes people want to move in after a month; and Ginger confesses her origin story involving Pepper.

26 Marras 201158min

SS 053: Naked In Paradise II - The Swingset Takes Desire Resort & Spa

SS 053: Naked In Paradise II - The Swingset Takes Desire Resort & Spa

We continue our chat with Jim & Char of CharTravel about lifestyle vacations, focusing more on Desire as a whole as Shira asks a number of nitty gritty questions about passports, cost, and the nudity policy. Cooper rants about the foolishness of booking flights with Travelocity. Ginger gets lost in her own little world of Desire fantasies. We discuss food, alcohol, excursions and other things to do at Desire Resort & Spa

10 Marras 201157min

SS 052: Naked In Paradise I - Sexy Vacations and Desire Resort & Spa

SS 052: Naked In Paradise I - Sexy Vacations and Desire Resort & Spa

Have your vacations lately seemed a bit too dull or full of minors? Well tonight we're talking about vacationing the sexy way and taking a lifestyle trip. We discuss the ins and outs of going on a lifestyle or nude vacation at any level of the sexually open lifestyle, about etiquitte, and how to protect yourself and your relationship. We also thoroughly discuss Desire Resort & Spa and our upcoming trip to this fabulous spot in Cancun, Mexico in November 2012.

5 Marras 201152min

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