#247: Is It Your Anxious Attachment... or the Wrong Relationship?

#247: Is It Your Anxious Attachment... or the Wrong Relationship?

In today’s episode, we’re unpacking one of the most common (and confusing) questions for people with anxious attachment: is it me, or is there something genuinely not right in this relationship?

When you’re used to second-guessing yourself, it can be incredibly hard to know whether your fears and insecurities are coming from your own patterns—or from dynamics that would leave anyone feeling unsafe or unsettled.

In this episode, I explore why this question is so difficult to answer, the role of self-doubt and emotional invalidation, and how to find a more grounded, balanced perspective. I also share some clear examples of behaviours that are likely to create insecurity in any relationship, regardless of your attachment style.

We cover:

  • Why “is it me or them?” is such a common source of rumination
  • The role of self-doubt and self-invalidation in anxious attachment
  • The middle ground between dismissing your feelings and being led by them
  • Why relationship dynamics are almost always co-created
  • Examples of behaviours that are objectively difficult to build a secure relationship around
  • How inconsistency and unpredictability activate anxious attachment patterns
  • The importance of zooming out and looking at the big picture
  • When anxiety is a signal of deeper relational misalignment

Resources

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#200: How to Like Yourself More

#200: How to Like Yourself More

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5 Elo 202523min

#199: How Our Early Imprints Shape Our Lives & Relationships with Lael Stone

#199: How Our Early Imprints Shape Our Lives & Relationships with Lael Stone

In this episode, I’m joined by educator, speaker, and author Lael Stone to explore the powerful role that early imprints play in shaping the stories we carry — about ourselves, others, and the world a...

30 Heinä 202552min

#198: What Anxiously Attached People Need to Thrive in a Relationship

#198: What Anxiously Attached People Need to Thrive in a Relationship

When you have an anxious attachment style, it can be hard to know what you actually need to feel secure — especially if past relationships have left you second-guessing yourself or trying to manage yo...

22 Heinä 202521min

#197: What Avoidant People Need to Thrive in a Relationship

#197: What Avoidant People Need to Thrive in a Relationship

In today’s episode, we’re exploring what avoidant attached people actually need to feel safe and secure in a relationship — and how partners can support that without self-abandoning.Avoidant attachmen...

15 Heinä 202521min

#196: How & Why We Self-Abandon in Relationships

#196: How & Why We Self-Abandon in Relationships

If you deeply fear abandonment, there’s a good chance you’ve also been abandoning yourself in quiet, subtle, and painful ways.In today’s episode, we’re exploring how fear of abandonment often leads to...

8 Heinä 202519min

#195: Two Simple Principles for a Healthy Nervous System

#195: Two Simple Principles for a Healthy Nervous System

In today’s episode, I’m sharing two key principles for building a truly resilient, balanced nervous system — and why one without the other tends to keep us stuck.We’ll explore:Why nervous system healt...

1 Heinä 202511min

#194: When You Don’t Feel Like a Priority in Your Relationship

#194: When You Don’t Feel Like a Priority in Your Relationship

If you often feel like you're fighting for a place in your partner’s life—like you’re always waiting to be chosen or noticed—this episode is for you.This is one of the most common experiences for peop...

24 Kesä 202517min

#193: The Gifts of Anxious Attachment

#193: The Gifts of Anxious Attachment

While it’s easy to focus on the struggles of anxious attachment — overthinking, people-pleasing, fear of abandonment — there are also real gifts that often go hand-in-hand with these attachment patter...

17 Kesä 202512min

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