6: Leaving Before They Leave You: The Little Girl Still Running Your Relationships | A Session with Nikki

My friend Nikki is forty-eight. She drove hours to visit her mom and stepdad and walked into a house where she felt completely invisible. No questions, no eye contact, just "there's food in the fridge" and a door closing behind it. By the time she called me, she was crying like she was five years old.

In this session we follow it all the way back to one moment. Nikki at four, asking her overwhelmed young mom to play and being told no. She gathered up every stuffed animal she owned, set them in the back seat of the family station wagon, climbed into the driver's seat, and pretended to drive them all away. That was the moment she decided she was on her own. And she has been driving off first, leaving before anyone can leave her, ever since.

This is an episode about the filter we build as children and then see everyone through for the rest of our lives. About the people we quietly cast to play a role, a mother, a father, an ex, our own kids, and how we relate to the character instead of the person actually standing in front of us. And about what opens up the moment you take those glasses off, not to excuse anyone, but to stop missing the people who are still here while they are still here.

One gentle note before you listen. Nikki shares real and painful history, including childhood abuse and being rejected when she came out. If that is tender ground for you, go easy on yourself as you listen. Reframing the story you carry is never the same as excusing what was done to you, and we say so plainly in the episode.

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