How to Be Real in a Fake World

When I was a kid, I loved Halloween—I mean who doesn’t love candy and dressing up for a night? It turns out, October 31 is not the only day we wear a disguise. Today, I’m talking about the masks we wear the other 364 days of the year.

In this episode of Office Hours, I explore the psychology behind why we wear masks in our daily lives and the emotional cost of hiding our feelings. More importantly, I share three ways we can take off the mask and live more honestly, so that we can give and receive the love we need most.

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Where to find Arthur Brooks:

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Timestamps:

(00:00) Intro

(12:17) Activation vs. inhibition

(14:22) When masking becomes a problem

(25:10) Why honesty matters more than avoiding conflict

(27:48) #1. Take a break from yourself

(31:19) #2. Take your mask off around loved ones

(34:07) #3. Make sure you like what’s behind the mask

(37:29) Q&A: The difference between satisfaction and happiness

(38:59) Q&A: Coping with disappointment

(41:07) Q&A: Reconciling belief in God with suffering

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Referenced:

• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: themeaningofyourlife.com

• Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter

• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale

• The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur

• Maskenfreiheit: https://www.dwds.de/wb/Maskenfreiheit

• Develop Authenticity: 20 Ways to Be a More Authentic Person: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-for-happiness/201904/develop-authenticity-20-ways-to-be-a-more-authentic-person

• George F. Will: https://www.washingtonpost.com/people/george-f-will/

• Pan Am Smile: https://www.talkspace.com/blog/the-7-types-of-smiles-and-how-people-perceive-them/

• Not all smiles are created equal: the differences between enjoyment and nonenjoyment smiles: https://www.degruyterbrill.com/document/doi/10.1515/humr.1993.6.1.9/html

• Smiling with Your Eyes: What Exactly Is a Duchenne Smile?: https://www.healthline.com/health/duchenne-smile

• Cultural differences in the production of emotional facial expressions: a review: https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2026.1699374/full

• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠