Why Talking to AI Can Make You Feel Lonelier

We can feel deeply connected to celebrities, fictional characters, and even AI chatbots, even though we've never met them in real life. But when do these one-sided relationships start interfering with our happiness?

In this episode of Office Hours, I explore the science of parasocial relationships, how our attachment styles influence them, and the potential consequences of turning to AI for companionship. I also share three ways to manage unhealthy attachments and make more room for the real-life relationships we need.

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Timestamps:

(00:00) Intro

(05:40) What the data shows about using AI to alleviate loneliness

(09:36) What are parasocial relationships?

(16:45) How attachment style impacts parasocial relationships

(23:20) #1. Pay less attention

(26:19) #2. Break up

(30:13) #3. Learn more about your attachment style

(31:27) Q&A: Dealing with anhedonia

(34:48) Q&A: Balancing satisfaction and enjoyment

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Referenced:

• Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter

• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale

• The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur

• Magnifica Humanitas: https://www.vatican.va/content/leo-xiv/en/encyclicals/documents/20260515-magnifica-humanitas.html

• How AI and Human Behaviors Shape Psychosocial Effects of Extended Chatbot Use: A Longitudinal Randomized Controlled Study: https://arxiv.org/abs/2503.17473

• Talk, Trust, and Trade-Offs: How and Why Teens Use AI Companions: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/research/talk-trust-and-trade-offs-how-and-why-teens-use-ai-companions

• Iain McGilchrist: https://channelmcgilchrist.com

• Mass communication and para-social interaction; observations on intimacy at a distance: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/13359569

• The Beatification of Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen: https://www.archny.org/the-beatification-of-archbishop-fulton-j-sheen

• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠