"Why Won't My Autistic Partner Compliment Me?" with Jodi Carlton & Mona Kay

Is it common for autistic partners to not compliment their partner's appearance? In this episode, Mona and I unpack one of the most common complaints in neurodiverse relationships — the lack of affirmations — and reveal why it's often a sign of a fundamentally different way of experiencing love, not a lack of caring. Plus, for those wondering if this behavior suggests narcissism, we've included a "secret clue" that helps distinguish neurotype differences from narcissism.

⏱️ Timestamps 0:00 - Teaser: The tank and the switch 0:42 - Intro 1:29 - Welcome & checking in 2:21 - Listener question: Do autistic partners not compliment appearance? 2:57 - The common complaint: "My partner said absolutely nothing" 4:31 - When negative comments come out without hesitation 5:21 - Why compliments feel uncomfortable for autistic folks 5:37 - Informational honesty vs. emotional connection 7:23 - Autistic distrust of compliments 7:50 - Mona's story: screamed at for saying thank you 9:24 - The tank and the switch analogy 10:04 - "I love you, I still love you unless I tell you I don't" 10:30 - Why the non-autistic partner's tank drains 11:02 - Secret clue: autism vs. narcissism 11:51 - An example from the Neurodiverse Love docuseries 13:02 - Meeting in the middle: choosing to be in the relationship 13:38 - What's coming next episode 14:01 - Where to find us & outro

Navigating Neurodiverse Life and Love is a casual show about neurodiverse romantic relationships, families, and life as a neurodivergent person or parent, hosted by Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton, two leading voices in the area of neurodiverse life and love.

Find us at: www.jodicarlton.com & www.neurodiverselove.com

👩‍💼 About Jodi Carlton, MEd

Book a Consultation: https://jodicarlton.com/booking

I'm Jodi Carlton, MEd, a neurodiversity educator, relationship expert, author, and coach with more than 20 years of experience helping individuals, couples, families, and professionals better understand autism, ADHD, and the realities of neurodiverse relationships.

As a late-diagnosed ADHDer, I combine professional expertise with lived experience. My own family includes multiple neurotypes, and after spending nearly two decades in a neurodiverse marriage, I understand both the challenges and the opportunities that can emerge when different minds meetMy work also explores the important distinction between neurodivergent differences and harmful relationship dynamics, including narcissistic abuse and personality pathology. My goal is not to tell people what to think, but to help them better understand what they are experiencing so they can make informed decisions about their relationships.

On this channel, you'll find episodes of the YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship podcast, interviews with leading experts, educational videos, and practical conversations designed to help you better understand yourself, the people you love, and the misunderstood mind.

Learn more about my new book: The Misunderstood Mind - What We Got WRONG About Autism, ADHD, and Neurodivergence Visit: https://themisunderstoodmind.com

Courses: https://jodicarlton.com/courses Quizzes: https://jodicarlton.com/take-a-quiz Subscribe to my articles & newsletter at https://inside.themisunderstoodmind.com