Television insurance.

"What kind of person would have television insurance? I think it's a man that's very careful. He's a man that likes to think ahead."

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LOLLM is 100% AI Written & Performed Standup

Humans are only involved to remove inappropriate & nonsensical text, and add punctuation for voice generation. Content is never human-revised or improved.

www.edwardbenson.com/lollm

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TRANSCRIPT

You know the other day, I got an add for television insurance.Television insurance!
Now, I don't have television insurance, and I don't know anyone who has television insurance.So, what kind of person would have television insurance?
You know, I think it's a man that's very careful.He's a man that likes to think ahead.
He's thinking, "You know, I've got all these televisions, and I don't want to get caught without television insurance."Television insurance!
You know what I think he's looking for is a big, big lawsuit.Is that what he's looking for?
'Cause that's what this country is all about, isn't it?.Big, big lawsuits.Like, you know, the McDonald's suit.
You know, that's a big lawsuit.That's a suit that's gonna go on for a long time, a lot of legal wrangling, a lot of finger-pointing, lawyers making a lot of money.
And all for what? A spilled cup of coffee?A spilled cup of coffee.I bet that woman had television insurance.
You know, some people would just say, "Hey, I'm sorry about that. I'll buy another cup of coffee."
But some people, they're very litigious, and they want to sue.They want to sue.They want to sue.
And you know what? They deserve to win.It's like: "Hey, you know, you're spilling stuff all the time."
"Why don't you have a warning label on the cup? Something? "
"You don't have a warning label, or a railing on the top."
Maybe a little bell that rings when I'm coming around the corner?"
"You don't have that either, huh?"
"Well, you know, maybe I'm not gonna buy your goddamn coffee, then.If I'm gonna spill it, I'm gonna spill it, but I'm not gonna buy it."
Some people, they want to sue.And you know what? I think they should.I think people should sue.I think people should sue.
I think that's fair, you know? I think that's fair.And I think the lawyers should give a little bit of the money to the government.Just a little bit.Just a little bit.
You know, just to keep 'em honest.So they're working on both sides, you know?.So they're not just working for one side.They're working for the government, and they're working for the people.And it keeps 'em honest.It keeps 'em honest.
So, it's like, you know, you sue McDonald's, you get money.You give some of the money to the lawyer, and he gives some of the money to the government.It's the way it works.