Making Sense of the Drama Triangle

I just recorded an episode that is maybe the most personal, most collective one yet.

You know by now—Grief Heals isn’t just a title. It’s a way of life. A lens. A returning. And this week, I explored how grief heals our justice work, our relationships, and the roles we all play—often unknowingly—in systems that divide and dominate.

I pulled from a familiar model: the Drama Triangle.

Victim. Persecutor. Rescuer.

These roles aren’t just interpersonal—they’re deeply systemic. And when we take on one, we often slide into all three.

This week, I invite you into a deeper reflection:

Where have I tried to save someone and lost sight of their power?

Where have I become the bully in the name of justice?

Where has grief been bypassed, ignored, or mutated into resentment, burnout, or judgment?

I talk about that moment I entered a county meeting to “stand up for the people” and ended up steamrolling others. I talk about the pain of watching family members steeped in grief they never got to name. I talk about how even our best intentions can cause harm when we skip over grief and go straight to control.

But more than anything—I talk about how grief can transform the triangle.

Grief that is sacred, not profane.

Grief that slows us down, enters gently, and listens.

Grief that composts our pain into nourishment for us all.

This episode is a love letter to the justice worker, the reformer, the wounded, the weary, the world-builder.

If you're deep in the work and wondering why it still feels heavy—this is for you.

If you’ve been the victim, the rescuer, or the one in power—this is for you.

If you're grieving what’s been done in your name or by your silence—this is for you.

Because as Gabor Maté says: Grief is the antidote to trauma.

And we don’t just carry trauma individually—we carry it collectively.

Let’s grieve together. Let’s name what’s real. Let’s remember who we are.

Thank you for showing up with your whole heart.

Thank you for naming what hurts and walking with love.

Thank you for believing with me that grief is holy, that we belong to each other, and that love—when it shows up real—transforms everything.

With you in all of it,

Lisa Michelle

P.S. The episode includes a few reflections to sit with, or journal through:

Where have I reenacted the triangle internally—with my own inner critic, rescuer, or bully?

Where has my grief gone unnamed—and how is it asking to be heard?

What might it look like to show up as a companion instead of a savior?

Let’s breathe together because we breathe the same air.