Self Care for Despair: Episode 36 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast

This episode is an unexpected one but I was so quick to find solace in my habitual self and Self care practises this morning, I wanted to share them with as much love as I can for all beings on the planet. The US election results are horrifying (that a self confessed sexual predator and multi convicted felon is somehow considered better than someone as accomplished and talented as Kamala Harris - am telling myself all sorts of stories about how much men (and many women) must really hate women, migrants, LGBTQ+ people and others but that's not helpful.

So am bringing myself back, repeatedly, to the daily practises that keep me grounded and resourceful. I hope they'll help you too. Sending enormous love to you and yours.

About Eve Menezes Cunningham

The author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, Eve Menezes Cunningham runs Feel Better Every Day (aka selfcarecoaching.net) and the Sole to Soul Circle: Self care for trauma recovery and ADHD (evemc.substack.com).

Integrating a wide range of trauma informed and ADHD friendly therapies, coaching and supervision, she specialises in all things self care (and Self care for connecting with and taking better care of your highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous Self), especially around trauma, anxiety, stress, sleep issues and finding more purpose, meaning and joy, ADHD and perimenopause and menopause.

Eve’s work incorporates traditional talk therapy and coaching as well as somatic (body based) and energy approaches for a holistic approach. She is an an Irish Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (IACP) Accredited supervisor and counsellor, British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) Senior Accredited Supervisor and Past Chair of BACP Coaching, EFT International Accredited Mentor and Advanced EFT Practitioner, a Yoga Professionals UK Experienced Yoga Teacher and NLP Master Practitioner.

Based in Westport, on the west coast of Ireland, Eve works online and by telephone with clients and supervisees across the UK and Ireland with some nature based outdoor sessions in Westport.

She has been on IACP’s Editorial Committee since 2021 (Editor-in-Chief of the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy since February 2024) and editorial team for Rapport, ANLP’s NLP journal, since 2007. Eve’s work been featured in hundreds of titles including Psychologies, Therapy Today, Coaching Today, the FT, the Guardian, Evening Standard, Metro, Mirror, Irish Country Magazine, Stellar and Cosmopolitan.

Eve offers free resources via selfcarecoaching.net and facilitates the Sole to Soul Circle: Self care for trauma recovery and ADHD online membership (evemc.substack.com).

It’s a fully embodied, nervous system friendly, trauma informed approach, helping people integrate self and Self care practices into their daily lives to create a life you don’t need to retreat from.

She also produces and hosts The Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

TRANSCRIPT

Start by placing your feet firmly on the ground while allowing whatever you're sitting on to support you completely—let yourself feel held by it while connecting with earth beneath you knowing we're just tiny blips among its inhabitants

Welcome to Self Care for Despair. An unexpected, unscheduled episode of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Episode 36.

I woke up feeling like I’m sure so many of you did this morning. All through the night I’d been thinking, ‘Nope, she’s going to catch up. She’s going to catch up, it’s going to be okay,’ and then it wasn’t. In the past, I’d have cried for days. I mean, let’s face it, I moved countries because of Brexit. Politics IS personal and it is scary and it’s now more than ever that we need to take amazing care of ourselves and of each other, so I hope this episode will help you to do that.

In this episode, I share a trauma sensitive Metta meditation, a simple breathwork practice, a shortcut to helping you feel better, a way to comfort and soothe yourself and some of the other self and Self care things that I’ve been doing this morning and today.

Since recording it this morning, I’ve gone for a swim and I swam my heart out and I’m just going to encourage you to welcome all of your feelings and honour all of your feelings, look after yourself and connect with your loved ones, connect with others who are hurting and just sending enormous love.

I hope you find it helpful and, remember, you have so many resources yourself, don’t give into fear and hate. Let yourself wallow. Let yourself cry. Let yourself heal. I mean, crying is healing but also know that there are so many amazing people in the world, so many people who go out of their way to help other people, to care for other people, to save other’s lives like running into burning buildings or accidents.

This is not representative of the world and, while you’re safe physically, do these practices that let your brain KNOW that you’re safe. Let your whole system know that you’re safe. Regulate your nervous system and connect with all of your resourcefulness. You can still thrive.

Welcome to an unscheduled episode of the Feel Better Every Day podcast. Having been awake for much of the night, watching with increasing dread and disbelief, I went back to bed and focused on connecting with how I felt. I'm over on the west coast of Ireland, so I can only imagine what it's like for so many Americans who are feeling unsafe—literally unsafe.

I thought I'd do something to help people who, like me, are anxious about what it means for the planet, for women, for trans people, and for all sorts of minorities. It's important to remember that you have more power than you think, that you can self-soothe, that you can work with your own nervous system, and that you can support your amygdala—the alarm bell in the brain that may feel like it's ringing incessantly right now.

You can bring your prefrontal cortex on board. You can use your vagus nerve to send messages of safety to the pons, the part of the brain responsible for body language and breath. By working with your breath and posture, you will begin to calm the amygdala much faster than by telling yourself what might feel like lies about how it will all work out.

We don't know what will happen, but we know that we're wired to feel safe, loved, and welcomed in order to thrive. A lot of people right now are not feeling safe, welcome, or loved; they're feeling very afraid. After the Brexit vote in 2016, I cried for days and ended up leaving England, where I had been born and raised. Being Indian-Irish, London born, I suddenly felt very unsafe. I look white and sound English. I’m aware that I have an enormous amount of privilege, yet I remember how visceral that fear and horror was. I know many people are feeling that way at the moment.

I want you to be able to soothe yourself, support yourself, empower yourself, resist and fight, love and connect, and thrive. Start by just noticing how you're feeling right now. Use zero as neutral: minus 10 for absolute depths of despair and plus 10 for amazing. You may be feeling amazing; I don't know. Notice what you're feeling right now and ask yourself what you need at this moment. If you could do anything right now, what would it be?

For me this morning, I went back to bed, pulled the duvet over my eyes, and cuddled a teddy bear because the cats didn’t want to be near me. I decided to do a longer yoga practice; that really helped me. I did that before turning my phone on; at that stage, I was still hoping for a different outcome. I connected with my breath as I do every morning and did my Metta meditation.

So let's start there. With the Metta practice. You begin with: ‘May I be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease.’ Just notice how you feel in your body as you say those words and wish yourself well. ‘May I be able to take care of myself joyfully. May I possess the courage, wisdom, patience, and determination to manage life's challenges.’

Then you move on to someone you love: ‘May they be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease. May they be able to take care of themselves joyfully. May they possess the courage, wisdom, patience, and determination to manage life's challenges.’ Next is someone you feel more neutral about: ‘May they be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease. May they be able to take care of themselves joyfully. May they possess the courage, wisdom, patience, and determination to manage life's challenges.’

Traditionally from the Buddhist tradition, you'd pick someone you find challenging; if that feels too difficult today, choose someone else you love instead. For someone challenging today, I'm going with Mitch McConnell—he could have put an end to all this after Trump’s second impeachment (after the insurrection in January 2021) but didn’t. Letting it go: ‘May he be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease. May he be able to take care of himself joyfully. May he possess the courage, wisdom, patience, and determination to manage life's challenges.’

As I did that practice with him in mind, I imagined him being scared. This is Metta—we're expanding our heart's electromagnetic field energy outward before bringing it back to ourselves while remembering that we're all connected; we are all one.

Think about where you live—maybe your town or country: ‘May we all be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease. May we be able to take care of ourselves joyfully. May we possess the courage, wisdom, patience, and determination to manage life's challenges.’ Now think about a part of the world where you feel desperate or helpless—not naming any specific places but perhaps one you've been thinking about...