192: Bruce Haataja - Chaos Between My Ears

Bruce Haataja on Chaos Between My Ears, Bipolar 1, and Recovery | Rock Bottom with RyanOn Rock Bottom with Ryan, Bruce Haataja discusses his debut book Chaos Between My Ears and the internal “committee” of voices that fueled his depression, confusion, and addiction. Raised in small-town Minnesota, he describes leaving traditional school, joining the National Guard at 17, and progressing from prescription opioids (Oxys/Percs) to heavy alcohol use while learning to hide his addiction through shame and preparation. He recounts a steep decline in 2024–2025, separation from his wife, a major manic episode, and quitting opioids partly out of spite during custody concerns, followed by extreme drinking, a failed inpatient stay, and success in partial hospitalization with intensive therapy and journaling that led to writing the book. Bruce shares lessons on stigma, support, accountability, and aims to become a psychotherapist.00:00 Chaos in My Head00:51 Sober Mission and Purpose01:11 Show and Book Promo02:15 Meet Bruce Hodia03:03 Sober Date and Background04:41 Childhood Depression and Committee07:20 School Struggles and Dropping Out09:02 National Guard and Early Use12:25 Boot Camp Confidence and Masking15:23 Daily Use and Bipolar Cycles20:17 Rock Bottom and Separation25:41 Treatment Wake Up Call28:32 Therapy Tools and Journaling31:12 Writing Chaos Between My Ears31:49 Sober Career Pivot32:43 Writing for Compassion34:13 Support Systems Matter35:18 Book Structure Explained38:05 Healing Through Writing40:28 Hope for Active Addicts42:57 Reader Reactions and Grace44:43 Public Recovery and Triggers47:51 Next Books and Science49:41 Misunderstood Addiction53:35 Rebuilding After Damage55:38 Grace Without Compromise59:34 Audiobook and Where to Find01:01:30 Rock Bottom as Beginning