I'll eliminate your self-sabotage forever (the five-beat loop and how to break it)

Take the Quiz : https://www.amenkaur.com/quiz

You get close to the thing you want. The promotion, the business, the conversation you've been meaning to have. And something in you pulls back.

That's not weakness, and it's not a mindset problem. It's an old map doing its job.

In this episode I walk you through the exact five-beat loop your self-sabotage runs on, so you can catch it happening in real time. Then I show you how to break it, working backwards, starting in the one place most people refuse to start.

I also run my own through it. The boardroom, the seizing up, the boss who'd put his neck out for me, and the rule underneath it that I didn't know I was following.

What you'll take away:

• The map you were handed early in life, and why self-sabotage is what happens at its edges
• The five beats: want more, trigger, the body reacts, escape, relief, shame, and why the relief is what makes it sticky
• Step one: start at the shame, and why love is the only thing that stops it fueling the next round
• Step two: go back to the trigger and listen, with a short practice you can do while you listen
• Step three: give your body one new experience, and the trick I stumbled into when I couldn't do it for myself
• The deeper layer: what the Bhagavad Gita, the first letter of John, and the Guru Granth Sahib were pointing to long before the neuroscience caught up

Your next step: You now have the method. What you don't know yet is which of your five systems is holding the edge. Take the three-minute quiz at amenkaur.com/quiz and find out what to focus on first.

If this episode did something for you: Rate the show wherever you're listening. Share it with the one person who came to mind. And if you have a minute, a few words in the reviews about what shifted. I read every one.

Research mentioned:

• Neff, K. (2003). Self-compassion: an alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity.
• Gilbert, P. (2009). The Compassionate Mind. Constable.
• Kirschner, H. et al. (2019). Soothing your heart and feeling connected: a new experimental paradigm to study the benefits of self-compassion. Clinical Psychological Science.

Texts mentioned:

• Bhagavad Gita 6:5 to 6:6
• 1 John 4:18
• Guru Granth Sahib, Ang 441

This episode is for reflection and education. It isn't therapy or medical advice.