What Really is a Covert Narcissist? (Special Throwback Episode)

What Really is a Covert Narcissist? (Special Throwback Episode)

Many people are struggling to understand what a covert narcissist actually is. I recently heard a podcast that was trying to figure out what a covert narcissist really is. They clearly, like so many, did not understand. I was surprised when they said, "Aren’t all narcissists covert because they all do things in secret?" They were talking about secret affairs, abuse behind closed doors, secret communication, private financial endeavors, and so on. They were questioning if all narcissists were covert. I was happy to hear them recognize that they did not understand and were going to have to do further research.

Being a covert narcissist isn't about having secret affairs or a double life or anything like that. It isn't defined that way. A covert narcissist is a narcissist that hides the arrogance and the feelings of superiority behind a facade of humbleness. They hide their lack of empathy behind a false show of compassion. Some are so good at it that they truly convince themselves that they are a kind and compassionate person. Nothing you say will ever convince them to even consider that they are not.

Covert narcissists often hide behind a facade of shyness, insecurity, introvertedness, and social awkwardness. They hide behind a show of compassion and sacrifice. Covert narcissists really believe in this image that they are portraying. Victims often feel sorry for them and want to help them. This plays a huge role in how we get trapped in these relationships. Covert narcissists are experts at playing the victim role, and I mean experts.

I hope this episode helps you to gain a better understanding of what covert narcissism is. Regardless of what type of narcissism you are dealing with, abuse is abuse and abuse is wrong!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

  • Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
  • Are you searching for people who get it?
  • Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
  • Are you running in circles in your mind?
  • Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
  • Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism


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Episoder(434)

The Loneliness of Covert Narcissism: Why You Feel Invisible Even When You’re Not Alone

The Loneliness of Covert Narcissism: Why You Feel Invisible Even When You’re Not Alone

If you feel lonely even when you’re not alone, this episode will help you understand why. In The Loneliness of Covert Narcissism: Why You Feel Invisible Even When You’re Not Alone, we explore emotiona...

8 Feb 24min

The Exhaustion of Always Being the One Who Tries With a Covert Narcissist

The Exhaustion of Always Being the One Who Tries With a Covert Narcissist

Today’s episode is about covert narcissism and the deep exhaustion that comes from always being the one who tries in the relationship. If you’re living with or recovering from a covert narcissist, you...

5 Feb 38min

Covert Narcissism and Self-Blame: Why You Always Feel Like You’re the Problem

Covert Narcissism and Self-Blame: Why You Always Feel Like You’re the Problem

Today, we unpack how covert narcissistic dynamics quietly train thoughtful, self-reflective people to carry blame that was never theirs. In this episode, we explore how normal, everyday questions—like...

1 Feb 21min

The Reality of Covert Narcissism Within a 42-Year Marriage

The Reality of Covert Narcissism Within a 42-Year Marriage

What does covert narcissistic abuse look like when it unfolds slowly over decades—without obvious explosions, without outsiders seeing the damage? In this episode, Renee speaks with Shari, who shares ...

29 Jan 25min

Covert Narcissism and Over-Explaining: Why Pausing Brings Relief

Covert Narcissism and Over-Explaining: Why Pausing Brings Relief

Many survivors of covert narcissistic abuse feel calmer the moment they stop explaining themselves. In this episode, we explore why over-explaining becomes a survival response, how hypervigilance and ...

25 Jan 21min

Covert Narcissism in Dating: Jacquie Roar Shares Her Story of Survival and Healing

Covert Narcissism in Dating: Jacquie Roar Shares Her Story of Survival and Healing

Dating someone with covert narcissistic traits rarely feels abusive at first. In fact, it often feels intoxicating—intense attention, deep emotional connection, and a sense of being chosen in a way yo...

22 Jan 38min

Covert Narcissistic Dynamics: Is This Normal Marriage Struggles or More Than That?

Covert Narcissistic Dynamics: Is This Normal Marriage Struggles or More Than That?

This episode explores how to tell the difference between normal marriage struggles and covert narcissistic dynamics. We focus on the subtle patterns that create confusion, self-doubt, and the fear tha...

18 Jan 19min

Covert Narcissism Community Chat: Why I Still Question Myself — Even Now

Covert Narcissism Community Chat: Why I Still Question Myself — Even Now

If you understand covert narcissism intellectually—but still find yourself questioning your memory, your reactions, or your decisions—you’re not alone. In this episode, you’ll hear the very first Cove...

15 Jan 36min

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