What Really is a Covert Narcissist? (Special Throwback Episode)

What Really is a Covert Narcissist? (Special Throwback Episode)

Many people are struggling to understand what a covert narcissist actually is. I recently heard a podcast that was trying to figure out what a covert narcissist really is. They clearly, like so many, did not understand. I was surprised when they said, "Aren’t all narcissists covert because they all do things in secret?" They were talking about secret affairs, abuse behind closed doors, secret communication, private financial endeavors, and so on. They were questioning if all narcissists were covert. I was happy to hear them recognize that they did not understand and were going to have to do further research.

Being a covert narcissist isn't about having secret affairs or a double life or anything like that. It isn't defined that way. A covert narcissist is a narcissist that hides the arrogance and the feelings of superiority behind a facade of humbleness. They hide their lack of empathy behind a false show of compassion. Some are so good at it that they truly convince themselves that they are a kind and compassionate person. Nothing you say will ever convince them to even consider that they are not.

Covert narcissists often hide behind a facade of shyness, insecurity, introvertedness, and social awkwardness. They hide behind a show of compassion and sacrifice. Covert narcissists really believe in this image that they are portraying. Victims often feel sorry for them and want to help them. This plays a huge role in how we get trapped in these relationships. Covert narcissists are experts at playing the victim role, and I mean experts.

I hope this episode helps you to gain a better understanding of what covert narcissism is. Regardless of what type of narcissism you are dealing with, abuse is abuse and abuse is wrong!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

  • Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
  • Are you searching for people who get it?
  • Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
  • Are you running in circles in your mind?
  • Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
  • Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism


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Episoder(434)

Covert Narcissistic Abuse: Why Nothing Changes No Matter How Hard You Try

Covert Narcissistic Abuse: Why Nothing Changes No Matter How Hard You Try

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Smear Campaigns and the Loss of Family, Friends, and Safety with Eleanor Marks

Smear Campaigns and the Loss of Family, Friends, and Safety with Eleanor Marks

Smear campaigns don’t just distort the truth—they dismantle trust, fracture relationships, and leave survivors questioning where it’s safe to stand. In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, R...

8 Jan 27min

Navigating the Confusion of Covert Narcissism: What Is Actually Wrong in My Marriage?

Navigating the Confusion of Covert Narcissism: What Is Actually Wrong in My Marriage?

If you feel confused, unsettled, or unable to name what’s wrong in your marriage—even though nothing sounds “bad enough”—this episode is for you. Many people living in covertly unhealthy dynamics don’...

4 Jan 22min

Covert Narcissism Recovery: Starting the New Year Without Pressure

Covert Narcissism Recovery: Starting the New Year Without Pressure

Healing from covert narcissistic abuse doesn’t follow a calendar—and January doesn’t require clarity, decisions, or resolutions. If you’re entering the new year feeling foggy, heavy, or unsure, this e...

1 Jan 15min

Holidays With a Covert Narcissist: When Survival Replaces Celebration

Holidays With a Covert Narcissist: When Survival Replaces Celebration

In this episode, Renee Swanson discusses the challenges of navigating holidays with a covert narcissist, emphasizing the emotional toll it takes on family members. She explores the concept of survival...

28 Des 202519min

Covert Narcissist: The Grinch Who Steals It All

Covert Narcissist: The Grinch Who Steals It All

In this Christmas-themed episode, Renee Swanson explores the impact of covert narcissism on personal relationships, particularly during the holiday season. Using the metaphor of the Grinch, she discus...

25 Des 202515min

Covert Narcissism in Marriage: The “Try Harder” Myth That Traps You

Covert Narcissism in Marriage: The “Try Harder” Myth That Traps You

Covert narcissism in marriage keeps survivors trapped by the belief that if they just tried harder, the relationship would finally improve.If you’re exhausted from over-functioning, self-blame, and em...

21 Des 202522min

Covert Narcissism Recovery: How You Know Healing Is Happening

Covert Narcissism Recovery: How You Know Healing Is Happening

Covert narcissism recovery often shows up quietly—through internal safety, self-trust, and a nervous system that no longer lives on high alert. Many survivors wonder how to tell whether they’re actual...

18 Des 202521min

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