Compare the Life of a Covert Narcissist With the Life of Their Victim (Special Throwback Episode)

Compare the Life of a Covert Narcissist With the Life of Their Victim (Special Throwback Episode)

Are you trying to decide if all you are going through is "normal," or if it is fair and reasonable?
In the last two episodes, I have talked about the codependency traits that so many victims have in common and the eternal victim role that covert narcissists play. These two things get trapped together so incredibly often.
On one side, you have a person who does no self-reflection, no self-improvement, and no internal work. Instead they express out all the ways they have been hurt in life. The abuse they suffered as a child. The mistreatment from parents, siblings, friends. The abuse they suffered from previous relationships, leaving them “broken” and insecure. The ways that everything you say hurts them, reminds them of their past abuse, resurfaces their hurt self. The eternal victim!
On the other side, you have a person who desires to care for others. To build other people up. To help others become the best they can be. To “fix” them. To save them. Willing to do the extra work. Willing to give the benefit of the doubt. To carry extra blame so the other person doesn’t have to. To carry your own load and half of theirs too. To look at your own smallest faults and blame these over the massive faults the other person displays. To hold yourself accountable for everything, while letting them off the hook for anything.
This is NOT a good combination! Works out great for the covert narcissist, who does none of the work and does anything they want all the time. It is horrible for their partner, who does all the work and never does anything they themselves want.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? •Are you searching for people who get it? •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Episoder(437)

Covert Narcissism Q&A: Clarity, Boundaries & Radical Acceptance (Part 2)

Covert Narcissism Q&A: Clarity, Boundaries & Radical Acceptance (Part 2)

In Part 2 of this Q&A pulled directly from the Covert Narcissism Group Facebook page, we continue answering the real, unfiltered questions so many of you are quietly carrying. Why does couples therapy...

19 Feb 33min

Gaslighting Without the Drama: The Subtle Reality

Gaslighting Without the Drama: The Subtle Reality

In this episode, we break down what subtle gaslighting looks like in covert narcissistic relationships and why it’s so hard to recognize. You’ll learn how emotional manipulation can sound calm, reason...

15 Feb 23min

Covert Narcissism Q&A: The Questions You’re Afraid to Ask (Part 1)

Covert Narcissism Q&A: The Questions You’re Afraid to Ask (Part 1)

In this special Q&A episode pulled directly from the Covert Narcissism Group Facebook page, I’m answering some of the most honest — and often unspoken — questions about living with and healing from co...

12 Feb 33min

The Loneliness of Covert Narcissism: Why You Feel Invisible Even When You’re Not Alone

The Loneliness of Covert Narcissism: Why You Feel Invisible Even When You’re Not Alone

If you feel lonely even when you’re not alone, this episode will help you understand why. In The Loneliness of Covert Narcissism: Why You Feel Invisible Even When You’re Not Alone, we explore emotiona...

8 Feb 24min

The Exhaustion of Always Being the One Who Tries With a Covert Narcissist

The Exhaustion of Always Being the One Who Tries With a Covert Narcissist

Today’s episode is about covert narcissism and the deep exhaustion that comes from always being the one who tries in the relationship. If you’re living with or recovering from a covert narcissist, you...

5 Feb 38min

Covert Narcissism and Self-Blame: Why You Always Feel Like You’re the Problem

Covert Narcissism and Self-Blame: Why You Always Feel Like You’re the Problem

Today, we unpack how covert narcissistic dynamics quietly train thoughtful, self-reflective people to carry blame that was never theirs. In this episode, we explore how normal, everyday questions—like...

1 Feb 21min

The Reality of Covert Narcissism Within a 42-Year Marriage

The Reality of Covert Narcissism Within a 42-Year Marriage

What does covert narcissistic abuse look like when it unfolds slowly over decades—without obvious explosions, without outsiders seeing the damage? In this episode, Renee speaks with Shari, who shares ...

29 Jan 25min

Covert Narcissism and Over-Explaining: Why Pausing Brings Relief

Covert Narcissism and Over-Explaining: Why Pausing Brings Relief

Many survivors of covert narcissistic abuse feel calmer the moment they stop explaining themselves. In this episode, we explore why over-explaining becomes a survival response, how hypervigilance and ...

25 Jan 21min

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