Compare the Life of a Covert Narcissist With the Life of Their Victim (Special Throwback Episode)

Compare the Life of a Covert Narcissist With the Life of Their Victim (Special Throwback Episode)

Are you trying to decide if all you are going through is "normal," or if it is fair and reasonable?
In the last two episodes, I have talked about the codependency traits that so many victims have in common and the eternal victim role that covert narcissists play. These two things get trapped together so incredibly often.
On one side, you have a person who does no self-reflection, no self-improvement, and no internal work. Instead they express out all the ways they have been hurt in life. The abuse they suffered as a child. The mistreatment from parents, siblings, friends. The abuse they suffered from previous relationships, leaving them “broken” and insecure. The ways that everything you say hurts them, reminds them of their past abuse, resurfaces their hurt self. The eternal victim!
On the other side, you have a person who desires to care for others. To build other people up. To help others become the best they can be. To “fix” them. To save them. Willing to do the extra work. Willing to give the benefit of the doubt. To carry extra blame so the other person doesn’t have to. To carry your own load and half of theirs too. To look at your own smallest faults and blame these over the massive faults the other person displays. To hold yourself accountable for everything, while letting them off the hook for anything.
This is NOT a good combination! Works out great for the covert narcissist, who does none of the work and does anything they want all the time. It is horrible for their partner, who does all the work and never does anything they themselves want.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? •Are you searching for people who get it? •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Episoder(439)

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When You Snap: The Breaking Point After Covert Narcissistic Abuse

When You Snap: The Breaking Point After Covert Narcissistic Abuse

You didn’t just wake up one day and decide to slap them.That moment — the one that now fills you with shame and self-blame — didn’t come out of nowhere. It’s been building for a long time. In this epi...

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When Survivors Gather: The Power of Shared Stories and Safe Spaces After Covert Narcissistic Abuse

When Survivors Gather: The Power of Shared Stories and Safe Spaces After Covert Narcissistic Abuse

What happens when survivors of covert narcissistic abuse come together in one safe space? At our recent CNG retreat, fifteen women gathered with fear, doubt, hope, and courage. Some were terrified to ...

2 Okt 202517min

Why Being Yourself Feels Dangerous with a Covert Narcissist

Why Being Yourself Feels Dangerous with a Covert Narcissist

Have you ever wondered why just being yourself feels like walking through a minefield with a covert narcissist? Why your joy, your truth, your boundaries, even your growth seem to set off explosions? ...

28 Sep 202524min

Bird in a Cage, Part 2: Finding Freedom After Covert Narcissistic Abuse

Bird in a Cage, Part 2: Finding Freedom After Covert Narcissistic Abuse

In Part 2 of my conversation with singer-songwriter Caryn Dixon, we go deeper into the journey of leaving—and staying gone—from covert narcissistic abuse. Caryn opens up about the staggering reality t...

25 Sep 202526min

Pull Back Your Supply: How to Test the True Nature of a Relationship with a Covert Narcissist

Pull Back Your Supply: How to Test the True Nature of a Relationship with a Covert Narcissist

What happens when you stop pouring all your energy into someone else and start investing it back into yourself? In a healthy relationship, your self-care is welcomed and even celebrated. Your partner ...

21 Sep 202519min

Bird in a Cage: Caryn Dixon’s Journey Out of Covert Narcissistic Abuse (Part 1)

Bird in a Cage: Caryn Dixon’s Journey Out of Covert Narcissistic Abuse (Part 1)

In this first half of my two-part conversation with singer-songwriter Caryn Dixon, we explore the story behind her new EP Bird in a Cage—a raw and vulnerable collection of songs written out of her exp...

18 Sep 202525min

Mary’s Story: A Celebration of Life and the Hidden Toll of Covert Narcissism

Mary’s Story: A Celebration of Life and the Hidden Toll of Covert Narcissism

In today’s episode, I step away from the usual format to share something deeply personal and profoundly important. This is a tribute—a celebration of life—for a member of our community whose story end...

14 Sep 202515min

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