Compare the Life of a Covert Narcissist With the Life of Their Victim (Special Throwback Episode)

Compare the Life of a Covert Narcissist With the Life of Their Victim (Special Throwback Episode)

Are you trying to decide if all you are going through is "normal," or if it is fair and reasonable?
In the last two episodes, I have talked about the codependency traits that so many victims have in common and the eternal victim role that covert narcissists play. These two things get trapped together so incredibly often.
On one side, you have a person who does no self-reflection, no self-improvement, and no internal work. Instead they express out all the ways they have been hurt in life. The abuse they suffered as a child. The mistreatment from parents, siblings, friends. The abuse they suffered from previous relationships, leaving them “broken” and insecure. The ways that everything you say hurts them, reminds them of their past abuse, resurfaces their hurt self. The eternal victim!
On the other side, you have a person who desires to care for others. To build other people up. To help others become the best they can be. To “fix” them. To save them. Willing to do the extra work. Willing to give the benefit of the doubt. To carry extra blame so the other person doesn’t have to. To carry your own load and half of theirs too. To look at your own smallest faults and blame these over the massive faults the other person displays. To hold yourself accountable for everything, while letting them off the hook for anything.
This is NOT a good combination! Works out great for the covert narcissist, who does none of the work and does anything they want all the time. It is horrible for their partner, who does all the work and never does anything they themselves want.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? •Are you searching for people who get it? •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Episoder(439)

Leaving a Covert Narcissist: The 3 Stages of Physical, Emotional, and Mental Freedom

Leaving a Covert Narcissist: The 3 Stages of Physical, Emotional, and Mental Freedom

Leaving a covert narcissist isn’t a single moment of walking out the door—it’s a layered process that unfolds in stages. In this episode, I explore the three different ways survivors leave: physically...

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Endless Attempts, Zero Progress: Can a Covert Narcissist Ever Wake Up?

Endless Attempts, Zero Progress: Can a Covert Narcissist Ever Wake Up?

You’ve researched. You’ve reasoned. You’ve shown empathy. You’ve tried again and again to help them see the truth—about their behavior, the damage, the disconnection. But nothing changes. In this epis...

7 Sep 202519min

Covert Narcissism: It’s Not What They Said, It’s How They Said It

Covert Narcissism: It’s Not What They Said, It’s How They Said It

Have you ever replayed a conversation in your head, wondering if you misunderstood what was said—or if you were being manipulated? In relationships with covert narcissists, it’s rarely the words thems...

4 Sep 202517min

Covert Narcissism 102: The Final Exam You Never Wanted to Take

Covert Narcissism 102: The Final Exam You Never Wanted to Take

If Covert Narcissism 101 exposed the basics, get ready for the advanced curriculum. This is Part Two of our two-part series — and today, we’re tackling Covert Narcissism 102: The Final Exam You Never ...

31 Aug 202523min

Covert Narcissism 101: The Textbook They All Seem to Have Read

Covert Narcissism 101: The Textbook They All Seem to Have Read

Have you ever noticed that covert narcissists all seem to follow the exact same script? It’s as if they sat in the same classroom, took the same notes, and memorized the same textbook. In this episode...

28 Aug 202516min

The Gaping Hole Where Reconciliation Should Be: Life Without Repair in a Covert Narcissistic Relationship

The Gaping Hole Where Reconciliation Should Be: Life Without Repair in a Covert Narcissistic Relationship

One of the most painful realities of living with a covert narcissist is the absence of reconciliation. Conflicts don’t get repaired. Apologies are either nonexistent or so hollow they echo in your che...

24 Aug 202521min

Crush Your Divorce, Protect Your Peace: A Conversation with Attorney & Author Bree Sullivan-Howell

Crush Your Divorce, Protect Your Peace: A Conversation with Attorney & Author Bree Sullivan-Howell

Divorcing a covert narcissist is not just about paperwork—it’s about survival. Today on the Covert Narcissism Podcast, I sit down with Bree Sullivan-Howell, a seasoned family law attorney with over tw...

22 Aug 202539min

Forever Young, Forever Stuck: The Peter Pan World of Covert Narcissists

Forever Young, Forever Stuck: The Peter Pan World of Covert Narcissists

When you’re in a relationship with a covert narcissist, it can feel like living in Never Never Land—a place where no one grows up, nothing ever gets resolved, and you’re left carrying all the weight. ...

17 Aug 202527min

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