12: Sexual Healing after Leaving Domestic Violence, with Achara Tarfa

“There is a possibility of intimacy after domestic violence... I want people to know that healing is possible after trauma.” – Achara Tarfa

Disclaimer: This episode contains explicit descriptions of domestic violence, sexual abuse, and trauma. Listener discretion is advised.

Reclaiming emotional and sexual intimacy after leaving a profoundly abusive relationship may seem impossible, but it can happen with patience and access to inner and outer resources. Patty welcomes Achara Tarfa, a trauma survivor, L3 Internal Family Systems Practitioner, Co-Founder of the Global Trauma Institute and President of PATH, to share how Internal Family Systems (IFS) helped her rebuild safety, trust, and connection with her body and her current partner.

This episode delves into Achara’s experience in an abusive relationship marked by physical, psychological, and sexual violation, and how these experiences were later understood through an IFS lens. It addresses the societal and religious pressures that reinforced shame and self-blame and loyalty, how a female pastor’s words finally validated her right to leave, and the slow and gradual process of getting out.

Achara then shares the story of connecting with her current husband, an old college friend, and the slow, intentional process of building trust and intimacy. The conversation highlights the role of IFS in helping Achara befriend her body, move from performative sex to body-led pleasure, and release shame around experiencing joy. Achara offers practical advice for survivors and underscores the transformative power of Self Energy in relationships, where speaking for parts fosters deeper emotional and physical connection.

About Achara: Achara Tarfa is a Level 3 IFS Practitioner, speaker, and co-founder of the Global Trauma Institute. For over 30 years, she’s worked across education, faith-based, and community spaces to make healing more culturally responsive and accessible to the global majority.She’s also President of PATH, an international addiction recovery community, and co-host of Courageous Custody, a podcast exploring high-conflict custody battles through an IFS lens. Through her private practice and consulting work, Achara supports individuals and professionals in trauma recovery, self-compassion, and unburdening journeys.As an elected District Supervisor, she brings a trauma-informed lens to public service, championing healing and resilience in both personal and systemic spaces.

Connect with Achara:

Website: https://www.acharatarfa.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ifs.achara/
https://www.globaltraumainstitute.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/achara-tarfa-b5413282/

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