S5-E29 - Brooke & Mia

The wake up call

Brooke spent most of her 30s in a relationship with a man who already had a child and didn't want more. She told herself she was okay with that. She spent 10 years telling herself that. And somewhere in those 10 years, quietly, she started filling out IVF paperwork in the background.

She never did anything with it. COVID arrived. She went back to it in 2021. She saw a counsellor, got on the donor waitlist at Melbourne IVF, found the Facebook sperm donation groups deeply uncomfortable, met a recruited donor and drove home knowing that wasn't right either. And then her brother had a brain aneurysm. He survived. But she was 42, and she looked at him and thought: I have one shot at life, and I am going to regret this forever if I don't try.

She was 43 when she finally had her egg collection — 11 eggs retrieved, 7 viable embryos — numbers that will give every woman in her 40s something to hold onto. She did not take any special vitamins. She was, in her own words, very much "if it's meant to be."

Three transfers. The first didn't work. The second — which she didn't tell anyone she was doing — didn't work either. A reading over Christmas that gave her hope, then didn't. A D&C to prepare the lining, and then a fourth transfer she barely planned for, fitted in between a work secondment in regional Victoria and a visit back to Melbourne.

She didn't tell anyone she was doing that one either.

It worked.

Mia was born in November, 10 days after Brooke's 44th birthday. During the pregnancy, Brooke found out her dad had stage 4 lung cancer. He made it to meet Mia. He got to see her smile. He passed away when Mia was four months old. Brooke has a photo of the two of them smiling at each other.

In the months after Mia arrived, Brooke experienced postnatal depression — triggered by a sleep school programme that went against every instinct she had. She recognised it quickly, got onto a helpline that night, and got help fast. She talks about it openly because she wants other women to know it doesn't mean you're a bad mum, and it doesn't mean you made the wrong decision.

Mia is almost two. Her name means "mine" in Italian — chosen because Brooke's nonna is Italian, and the donor's family is too. She co-sleeps most nights, wakes three or four times, and is a very determined, very independent little girl who drags a vintage Cabbage Patch doll around the house.

There are three embryos still in the freezer. Brooke is thinking about them every day.

In this episode:

• A decade-long relationship with someone who didn't want more children — and what that quietly cost her

• A gynaecologist who told her she was "too old" to freeze her eggs at 36 — and why she should have found a different doctor sooner

• Starting IVF paperwork in the background of a relationship that was still ongoing

• COVID hitting just as she got serious about it — and restarting in 2021

• The Facebook sperm donation groups: why they felt wrong, and what meeting a recruited donor in regional Victoria taught her

• Getting on the donor waitlist at Melbourne IVF, the three-month access windows, and finding her donor with 24 hours left on her final access

• Her friend who told her to just hit the button — and the glass of wine that finally made her do it

• Her brother's brain aneurysm at 42 as the moment she stopped waiting

• Starting IVF at 43 with Dr Weng Chan — 11 eggs, 7 embryos, remarkable results without any special vitamins or protocols

• Three failed transfers, a chemical pregnancy she discovered on Christmas morning, and why she told no one about transfers two, three, or four

• A D&C to refresh the lining, and a fourth transfer she almost did on a whim during a work trip

• Making peace with not getting pregnant — and what that peace did for her body

• Getting pregnant on the fourth transfer and finding out at her mum's house ("Have you got COVID?")

• A complication-free pregnancy — and finding out her dad had stage 4 lung cancer in the middle of it

• Dad meeting Mia before he passed, and the photo Brooke will always treasure

• Mia's name — what it means, and the Italian connection shared by grandmother and donor

• Postnatal depression triggered by sleep school — recognising it the same night and calling a helpline

• Co-sleeping, no sleep training, waking three to four times a night — and why it works for them

• Three embryos in the freezer and the daily internal debate about a second child

• What she'd say to Mia, and what she'd say to anyone letting fear stop them

Key Takeaways

• A wake-up call doesn't have to be your own health scare — watching someone you love nearly die can be more than enough

• Doing paperwork in the background isn't crazy — it's forward motion when you're not fully ready to commit yet

• 11 eggs at 43 without any special vitamins or protocols — the fertility cliff is real, but it is not a guarantee

• Making peace with the possibility it might not work is one of the most powerful things you can do during IVF

• Telling nobody about a cycle removes the pressure of having to update people — and sometimes that's exactly what you need

• PND after solo motherhood doesn't mean you made the wrong decision — getting help early changes everything

• A gynaecologist who tells you you're too old at 36 is not the right specialist for you

• The fear you think will be hardest — bringing a child into the world without another parent — disappears the moment they arrive

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

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