S5:E30 - Claire & August

The Plan Always Had a Next Step

Claire always knew she'd be a mum. She told her mum at 18 that if she didn't find someone, she'd do it on her own. Her mum said she wouldn't need to. Claire filed that away and thought: well, if I do, I'm fine with it.

At 30 she decided she was financially ready, had ticked off enough of her travel list, and started. She didn't make a big announcement. When she eventually told people, nobody was surprised.

What followed was not the quick journey she'd hoped for. A pre-existing endometriosis diagnosis from 19 sent her straight to IVF with her doctor at Monash IVF Bondi Junction — no IUI, no mucking around. But what nobody had picked up was that Claire had a thin endometrial lining — a four or five, when the transfer window needs a seven to ten. Medicated cycles were cancelled last minute. PRP (platelet-rich plasma) treatment was tried repeatedly. There was no clear reason why. The Mirena she'd had in was the best guess.

The first IVF cycle itself went beautifully — 12 eggs, 12 fertilised, five AA-grade embryos. And then none of them worked. She went through all five. Two of the transfers resulted in early losses at five weeks.

She didn't know yet that she'd got COVID during her injections cycle. She still wonders.

Second cycle. New protocol. PGTA testing this time. Four embryos. And then — right as she was preparing for her next transfer — she was caught in the NSW donor audit. Her overseas donor had been over-allocated to NSW beyond the state's family limit. The clinic emailed: we don't know if you'll be able to use this donor anymore. Possibly ever.

She had just had a miscarriage. She had no next step for the first time in the entire journey. It was, she says, almost as hard as the losses.

A solo mum she'd never met found everyone affected, organised them, told them who to email and what to say, and kept going until the clinic made an exemption. Claire had two vials of sperm left and was permitted to continue.

On the 22nd of October, she transferred. Augie arrived nine months later. He is nine weeks old, already looks entirely like his donor, and has Claire's blood type — and that, apparently, is it.

At 36 weeks Claire moved from Sydney to Orange to live with her parents for the year — her mum is a midwife, lactation consultant, and child and family health nurse, which turned out to matter enormously in the first weeks of breastfeeding. She'll move into her own place in January, set up a home daycare, and take Augie to Bali in between.

She's the first to say she's more capable than she thought she'd be.

In this episode:

• Always knowing she'd be a mum — telling her mother at 18 that she'd do it alone if she had to

• Deciding at 30: financially ready, travel list ticked, let's go

• Endometriosis diagnosed at 19 — going straight to IVF, no IUI

• Discovering a thin endometrial lining — cancelled cycles, PRP treatment, no clear cause

• 12 eggs, 12 fertilised, five AA-grade embryos — and all five failing to implant or take

• Two early losses at five weeks — processing grief by going within, and the friends who knew when to leave

• Getting COVID during her injections cycle — and wondering if that changed something

• The donor audit: what it was, the email she received mid-miscarriage, and the solo mum who got the exemptions overturned

• Second round with new protocol and PGTA testing — four embryos, including a fresh transfer

• A positive on the first transfer of the second round — October 22nd — and still not quite believing it throughout the whole pregnancy

• Bleeds until 14 weeks and demanding scans every time, just to check

• Finishing work at 36 weeks and moving from Sydney to Orange at 37 weeks pregnant

• Living with her parents — what's worked, what's been harder than expected

• Her mum the midwife/lactation consultant being the best possible person to have there for breastfeeding

• Going to the first-time mums group in Orange and being the only solo mum — and the moment they asked about traits from the father

• One solo mum found in Bathurst — otherwise connecting with the community will mean trips back to Sydney

• Planning a home daycare in Orange from January

• Bali booked — now with mum coming too, in separate accommodation

• Already more capable than she thought she'd be — and what she'd tell someone about to do this alone

• Two embryos in the freezer, one more vial of sperm, and thinking about whether there'll be a second

Key Takeaways

• Starting earlier doesn't guarantee it'll be quicker — but it does mean there's more time to work through what comes up

• A thin endometrial lining can be the hidden barrier that no one mentions until you're already in treatment — ask about lining thickness early

• Five AA-grade embryos all failing is not a sign of failure — it's a sign the process is complex and the next round might look different

• When you lose access to something you've relied on as a next step, that limbo is its own grief — name it

• The solo mum community shows up for itself in remarkable ways — the NSW donor audit result happened because one woman refused to let it stand

• Breastfeeding is genuinely hard and there's no shame in finding it that way — get a lactation consultant early

• You are more capable than you think — if it's just you and you have to do it, you do it

• Moving home temporarily is a practical and sensible choice — the trade-offs are real but so are the benefits

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

Still considering whether this path is right for you?

The Considering Solo Motherhood course helps you make an informed, empowered decision — and understand what the process actually looks like before you start. Live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.