Stop Trying to be Perfect

Sometimes, the most insidious thing someone can tell you to make you feel better is the age-old phrase, “but you’re perfect!” While research suggests this may ease emotional pain temporarily, it might actually be holding you back from growth and, consequently, satisfaction.

In this episode of Office Hours, I explore why we avoid uncomfortable truths when feeling down, and why the better path towards fulfillment is honest self-acceptance—embracing your imperfections, and taking on the challenge to improve.

—

Brought to you by:

• Noble Mobile—With Noble, there is only one plan: The No-Bull Plan. It’s simple. It’s transparent. And if you use less data, you get cash back. Get an exclusive offer at: https://noblemobile.com/arthurbrooks

—

Where to find Arthur Brooks:

• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• In-person Retreats: https://retreats.arthurbrooks.com/

• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/arthurbrooks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• LinkedIn: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠officehours@arthurbrooks.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

—

Timestamps:

(00:00) Intro

(06:50) The psychology of self-enhancement bias

(10:39) Who suffers most from self-enhancement bias

(15:50) Why we protect others with comforting lies

(17:16) What the research shows about self-enhancement bias

(22:57) #1: You’re not perfect but you’re normal

(25:37) #2: Accept yourself

(27:05) #3: Work to improve

(30:03) #4: Don’t blame other people

(32:05) #5: Reframe imperfections as puzzles

(35:48) Q&A: People pleasing and happiness

(37:33) Q&A: Finding time for happiness in a busy life

(39:24) Q&A: Teaching happiness habits to young children

—

Referenced:

• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: themeaningofyourlife.com

• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership

• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale

• The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur

• I'm OK--You're OK: The Pioneering and Bestselling Self-Help Guide: https://www.amazon.com/Im-OK-Youre-OK-Thomas-Harris/dp/0060724277

• Taking time seriously. A theory of socioemotional selectivity: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10199217

• Comparative perceptions of driver ability--a confirmation and expansion: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3730094

• The Illusion of Moral Superiority: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5641986

• Age and the better‐than‐average effect: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2011-10557-008

• The dorsal anterior cingulate cortex is selective for pain: Results from large-scale reverse inference: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26582792

• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

—

Production and marketing by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://penname.co/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Tämä jakso on lisätty Podme-palveluun avoimen RSS-syötteen kautta eikä se ole Podmen omaa tuotantoa. Siksi jakso saattaa sisältää mainontaa.

Jaksot(57)

5 Ways to Find Your Faith

Why do so many people drift from faith in early adulthood, only to feel drawn back to it later in life? In this episode of Office Hours, I explore the Hindu concept of Ashramas and the parallels with ...

31 Elo 50min

The Three Secrets to Raising Great Kids

Being a parent is one of the most meaningful things you can do with your life, and one of the easiest things to worry about getting wrong. Most of us ultimately want the same things for our children: ...

24 Elo 45min

Success Secret: Finding People Who Disagree With You

Most of us prefer spending time with people who are like us. They think like us, share our values, and make us feel comfortable. But while similarity may be easy, it isn't always what helps us grow.In...

17 Elo 48min

One Year of Office Hours: Lessons on Love and Friendship

In this special one-year anniversary episode of Office Hours, I'm joined by six young adults to discuss the modern crisis of meaning and why so many people feel disconnected despite having more ways t...

10 Elo 1h 18min

Why You Should Let People Help You More

We usually think generosity means helping other people. But what if accepting help is generous, too?In this episode of Office Hours, I explore why letting others help us can be a gift. We’ll look at t...

3 Elo 37min

The Power of Sunlight: Protocols for Better Mood, Sleep & Happiness

It's easy to assume that we'd be happier if we lived somewhere with more sunshine. But how much does sunlight actually matter?In this episode of Office Hours, I examine what the research says about th...

27 Heinä 45min

How Lying Sabotages Your Happiness

Most people don't start with huge lies. They start with little white lies meant to avoid conflict, spare someone's feelings, or make life a little easier. But what if those small compromises are quiet...

20 Heinä 49min

Use Music to Change Your Brain and Get Happier

There's a reason music has mattered to people for thousands of years. Across cultures and generations, we’ve treated it as more than entertainment—as a kind of language that can express what words can...

13 Heinä 43min