S5:E8 - Nicola & Luca - Solo Mum by choice from the start

Solo Mum by choice from the start: Nicola & Luca

Most women who come to solo motherhood have a moment — a relationship that ended, a birthday that passed, a realisation that waiting wasn't working. Nicola never had that moment. She just always knew.

From the time she was young, she never pictured a partner. She pictured kids. Solo motherhood wasn't a plan B for Nicola — it was the only plan. And what makes her story so valuable for this community is that the hard parts she navigated weren't about the decision itself. They were about trusting herself enough to actually go through with it.

Nicola is an optometrist, self-described planner, and someone who came to this journey with an unusual degree of self-awareness. She grew up in a home affected by domestic abuse, and she spent time in psychology making sure that her choice to parent alone was coming from a place of strength — not fear of intimacy. That clarity shaped everything that followed.

Her wake-up call to start came from watching her sister go through seven IVF transfers. Once she saw how unpredictable fertility could be, she stopped waiting. She started IVF at 33, attempted two IUI cycles first (one was cancelled when she ovulated too early), then moved to IVF. Her stimulation cycle was painful — both ovaries haemorrhaged — but she went to work through all of it, not knowing yet what was normal. She ended up with two embryos. She got pregnant on her first transfer.

And then she found out her sister was pregnant at exactly the same time. Two weeks apart. Same obstetrician. Their own private mother's group before their babies were even born.

In this episode we cover a lot of ground — the practical and the emotional, the things that went to plan and the things that didn't. Nicola chose an elective caesarean with clear medical reasoning, went back to work at five and a half months on a four-day week structure that she credits as genuinely game-changing, and has built a life with Luca that she describes, simply, as magic.

She also talks openly about the harder things. When her donor later withdrew consent, her remaining embryo was destroyed — a consequence of legislation that has since changed, but that caught families off guard at the time. She holds that loss with grace, and talks honestly about where she's landed on the question of a second child.

We also talk about donor-conceived sibling connections — why Nicola sought them out early, what they've given Luca, and why she sees them as one of the most meaningful parts of this path. Not because they replace anything, but because they give donor-conceived children a biological anchor that doesn't depend entirely on a donor they may not meet for eighteen years.

This is a calm, grounded, deeply reassuring episode. Nicola's advice for anyone sitting on the fence is characteristically direct: "You definitely can, 100%."

In this episode:

• Why Nicola always knew she'd be a solo mum — and what it took to finally start

• Growing up with domestic abuse and using psychology to trust her own motivations

• Her sister's seven-transfer IVF journey as the catalyst to stop waiting

• IVF at 33: ovarian haemorrhaging, two embryos, and a positive first transfer

• Falling pregnant at the same time as her sister — two weeks apart

• Choosing an elective caesarean and what informed that decision

• Returning to work at 5.5 months and the schedule structure that made it work

• Donor consent withdrawal and the destruction of her remaining embryo

• Donor-conceived sibling connections — what they mean and how they found each other

• The financial reality of considering a second child as a solo mum

• What she wishes she'd worried less about — and what she'd tell you right now

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

If you're exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia, City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

Looking for your village while TTC or pregnant?

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Key Takeaways

• Solo motherhood can be a first choice, not a fallback — and that changes everything about how you approach it

• Therapy isn't a luxury on this journey — it's how you make sure you're choosing from strength, not fear

• The practical fears around money, work and logistics are almost always bigger in your head than in reality

• Building your village before baby arrives is one of the highest-impact investments you can make

• Going back to work can be a genuine positive — how you structure it matters more than when

• Donor-conceived sibling connections can offer children biological context that doesn't rely on the donor

• The things you think will be a total disaster — you just figure them out. It's never as bad as you think.