S5:E10 - The Considering Stage: Why Making the Decision is the Hardest Part

Why Making the Decision is the Hardest Part — with Carrie Meckler

This is a different kind of episode.

No birth story. No IVF timeline. No newborn update. Just a conversation about the stage that doesn't get talked about nearly enough — the one before any of that happens.

Carrie Meckler is a licensed therapist based in North Carolina who is also a solo mum by choice to a beautiful two-year-old boy. She runs a six-week group program specifically for women in the considering stage, and she joins me this week to talk about what she sees in her clients — and what she went through herself — when women are first sitting with the idea that this might be their path.

Because here's the thing: making this decision is genuinely the hardest part of the entire solo motherhood journey. Harder than the fertility treatment. Harder than the newborn phase. And almost nobody talks about that.

We cover a lot of ground in this conversation — the grief that comes with letting go of the life you always thought you'd have, the fear of judgment, the pressure of the biological clock, the question of how long to keep waiting, and what it actually looks like to start taking steps forward without having it all figured out.

We also talk about something I think about a lot: why so many women base their assumptions about solo motherhood on single-parent households that came about through very different circumstances. And why finding women who are already living this life intentionally is one of the most important things you can do when you're in the considering stage.

This one is for the woman who's been sitting quietly with an idea she hasn't told anyone about yet.

In this episode:

• Why the considering stage is the most underrated — and most emotionally demanding — part of the solo mum journey
• The grief of letting go of the traditional path, and why it's normal to feel both grief and excitement at the same time
• Fear of judgment, fear of running out of time, fear of missing the partner who might be just around the corner
• Why we can't make the decision by the same framework we were raised with — and how to start seeing a different path
• The difference between solo mum by choice and single motherhood by circumstance — and why it matters for your mindset
• The power of finding women already living this life and letting their reality replace your assumptions
• Carrie's three pieces of advice for anyone just starting to sit with the idea
• Why handwritten journaling is different from typing — and what it unlocks
• How therapy helps — and why finding a therapist who has actually lived this experience makes all the difference
• Why all the overthinking you're doing right now is actually making you a better parent

Key Takeaways

• The considering stage is emotionally the hardest part of this journey — and you don't have to rush through it
• You can feel grief and excitement at the same time. Both are real. Both are valid.
• You don't have to be ready before you take the first step. You just have to take the first step.
• Finding women who are already living this life intentionally is one of the most powerful things you can do right now
• The overthinking you're doing is not a problem — it's evidence of how intentional a parent you're already going to be
• Solo motherhood by choice is fundamentally different from single parenthood by circumstance — and your frame of reference matters
• Solo vs single: intention and conception are everything

🏥 This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

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💛 Still in the considering stage?

The Considering Solo Motherhood course will help you make an empowered, informed decision about whether this path is right for you — without spending hours lost in a Google vortex. Live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.