S5:E17 - Renee & Aria - 7 years in

Most of the stories on this podcast start at the beginning. This one starts seven years down the track — and it's one of the most valuable perspectives we have.

Renee made her first appointment at 37, after a colleague finally said the quiet part loud and told her to just do it already. She did two IUI rounds, had a bad experience with her first IVF clinic and walked away, found Dr David Wilkinson at City Fertility, and on her third and final round — a frozen transfer she specifically advocated for against the default fresh option — fell pregnant with Aria. She was 39.

Aria is now seven. She goes to Girl Guides, swimming and karate. She spent time in Bali with the solo mum community and came home telling her teachers about her brothers and sisters. She has decided she can't find Renee a husband because all the good ones are already married. She recently concluded she'd like to learn how to be on her own first before finding a partner — and she's seven.

This is a conversation about what the long view really looks like. Not just the birth story and the newborn phase — though Renee shares those too, including a GP who missed her post-caesarean sepsis and a cow's milk protein intolerance that took months to diagnose — but what it means to raise a donor-conceived child who is starting to ask real questions, to build a village from scratch in a new city, and to feel, genuinely, that this life is fuller than anything you could have imagined before it.

In this episode:

• The colleague who finally told her to just do it — and how one conversation changed everything

• Two IUI rounds and her first IVF clinic — and the moment she realised she owed them nothing and left

• Finding Dr David Wilkinson at City Fertility, a fresh perspective, and a one-step-at-a-time approach

• Three IVF rounds at 39 — low numbers, a Bali holiday between rounds, and the frozen transfer she asked for over the default fresh

• The butterfly effect moment: the embryo she asked to be frozen became Aria

• Coming home after a caesarean — and the GP who dismissed her concerns, missed her sepsis, and tried to put her on antidepressants

• Cow's milk protein intolerance: months of a screaming baby, a GP who listened, and 48 hours to a different child

• Donating her remaining embryo to another solo mum via Facebook — and what that process involved

• Aria at seven: the donor questions she's asking, what Renee tells her and what she doesn't, and why she won't build up a donor who may disappoint

• The one and done decision — and the clear-eyed logic behind it

• The solo mum community: nearly giving up after two bad playground meet-ups, a leap-of-faith camping trip to Phillip Island, and the village she now can't imagine living without

• The daughters of solo mums — and why Renee thinks they're going to have a fundamentally different relationship with what they need from a partner

• What she'd say to Aria, and what she'd say to anyone sitting on the fence

Key Takeaways

• You owe your fertility clinic no loyalty if it's not the right fit — changing clinics can change everything

• Advocate for yourself in IVF decisions — Renee asked for a frozen transfer over the default fresh, and that embryo became Aria

• Trust your instincts about your baby's health. If a GP dismisses you, find another one and bring your list

• Building your village takes time, a few wrong fits, and one leap of faith — but it is out there

• The solo mum community doesn't just support the mums — it creates chosen family for the children too

• When your child says they wish they had a dad, ask more questions — it's almost never about the dad

• Raise your child to know they are enough on their own before they look for anyone else to complete them

• You can donate a remaining embryo to another family — ask your clinic about your options

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

Pregnant solo and looking for your village?

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