1677 || when the system is the problem

1677 || when the system is the problem

How do we fight the very system we’re stuck in?


If every road we end up on bottlenecks to the same hole they want us stuck in, should we even bother?


There’s a place for all of us in the systemic fight, and it’s a matter of filling needs that you can fill, as they arise.


Some of us will need to stay in the bottle, but we can keep flooding the neck of the bottle from the inside, and because it’s already showing signs of cracking - we should never let up until it does. But some people hate the damned bottle, and will find they are best used outside of the bottle, throwing rocks at the facade to show how fallible it is. Some of us will have escaped the bottle already and be creating new, more connected and expansive roads for when the bottle shatters and we all need a new path, and some of us will be stuck, in the bottom of the bottle, waiting for the glass shards to fall and bury them, or for someone outside to pull them. Find a place for yourself. Building new roads, or breaking the bottle neck that has been causing so much harm.


It’s impossible to see your own issues when you’re in them.


If you’re stuck in the abusive system you’re not likely to see how abusive it is until you’ve escaped it.


You have to back up to see the whole picture.


Your nose is on the wall, back up a few steps and you’ll see how big and broken the wall is.


When we see how other systems are working, it becomes clear all the ways ours isn’t.



Read episode scripts on Julie's Medium Blog.


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Episoder(1782)

1727 || common thought distortions

1727 || common thought distortions

common cognitive distortions among shame-based people include: catastrophizing, mind-reading, all-or-nothing or either-or thinking, personalization, blaming, global blaming, filtering, cognitive bias ...

1 Apr 11min

1726 || grief work || healing the shame that binds you

1726 || grief work || healing the shame that binds you

Grief work: identify, build awareness, re-route with corrective responses. John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read ...

31 Mar 12min

1725 || set your own anchor + ride the wave

1725 || set your own anchor + ride the wave

Shame spirals tend to attach themselves to certain triggers or anchors we have created from our past experiences. If we are able to create safe, corrective anchors to attach to these triggers, we can ...

30 Mar 11min

1724 || delayed grief || healing the shame that binds you

1724 || delayed grief || healing the shame that binds you

delayed grief is how we end up creating false selves. it's our job to grieve fully, so we can release the attachments to our denial. connectedness, validation, and support are the way through. John Br...

27 Mar 10min

1723 || connection is the antidote || healing the shame that binds you

1723 || connection is the antidote || healing the shame that binds you

in order to be healed, we must come out of isolation. identity formation is a social process, so unraveling toxic shame is also a social process. - John BradshawJohn Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, ...

26 Mar 10min

1722 || you gotta feel it to heal it || healing the shame that binds you

1722 || you gotta feel it to heal it || healing the shame that binds you

As long as our shame is hidden, there is nothing we can do about it. “The only way out is through.” "Embracing our shame involves pain. Pain is what we try to avoid. In fact, most of our neurotic beha...

25 Mar 11min

1721 || when the emotion becomes addictive || healing the shame that binds you

1721 || when the emotion becomes addictive || healing the shame that binds you

"Being nice is primarily a way of manipulating people and situations." - John Bradshaw"Perfectionism flows from the core of toxic shame. A perfectionist has no sense of healthy shame; he has no intern...

24 Mar 11min

1720 || our culture of shame || healing the shame that binds you

1720 || our culture of shame || healing the shame that binds you

Our culture does not handle emotions well. We like folks to be happy and fine. We learn rituals of acting happy and fine at an early age. I can remember many times telling people “I’m fine,” when I fe...

21 Mar 11min

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