1720 || our culture of shame
Our culture does not handle emotions well. We like folks to be happy and fine. We learn rituals of acting happy and fine at an early age. I can remember many times telling people “I’m fine,” when I fe...
21 Mar 11min
1719 || shame spirals
Sometimes, "“I feel shame” comes to mean “I am shameful, deficient in some vital way as a human being.” Shame is no longer one feeling among many, but comes to constitute the core of oneself. Internal...
20 Mar 12min
1718 || generational shame || book club
We can't heal what we don't feel. Unfortunately, one of the greatest powers of toxic shame is that it creates automatic, unconscious defenses: like Idealization, repression, denial, dissociation. So m...
19 Mar 11min
1717 || when shame is a demon || book club
The more one experiences shame, the more one is ashamed, and the beat goes on. It is this dead-end quality of shame that makes it so hopeless. But it's not hopeless, it just feels like it.“Without fee...
18 Mar 10min
1716 || book club || healing the shame that binds you
“Without feeling, nothing matters, and with feeling, anything can matter.” - Silvan TompkinsWhen you internalize toxic levels of shame, you create a "false self" to cope. It takes lots of energy and h...
17 Mar 11min
1715 || regular shame vs. toxic shame
Toxic shame is a deep feeling of worthlessness and self-hatred often starting in childhood due to trauma or neglect. Deconstructing internalized toxic shame is an intense and overwhelming process, but...
16 Mar 10min
1714 || "thawing out" from a freeze state
Analysis paralysis is a natural response to stress, but there are many ways to manage it.Respect the "thawing" process: this takes time. Ground yourself: breathing exercises, noting exercises, etc. Pr...
13 Mar 9min
1713 || imperfect action > inaction
Inaction is not neutral. I know I’m capable of great things but I am too afraid to do anything I want to do because it is easier to do nothing.It feels safer to do nothing but it’s not. Inaction is no...
12 Mar 8min
